When the going gets tough, the weak confess. Well-at least I do, after eating a big bowl of white bean guacamole dip, gaining 12 pounds, and wondering if I’m making the right career choices, let alone good choices in the mother-hood, I opted to confess, especially when women I encounter think I’m an amazing mom. I’m really not.
As a mom, I have my fair share of confessions and I opted to share them with you today because I feel like we all need to put the “I-got-it-together” mantra aside and say something like, “Don’t be scared but this is the real me.”
1. My children like their dad more than me. This may be due to the fact I am a stickler for rules, boundaries, and all things uncluttered. In other words, I have a hard time relaxing and letting go of the surface things in order to be the fun mom.
2. I don’t know how to play. I don’t know what happened to being a carefree light hearted person. Ever since I became a mom, every playtime opportunity is also a learning opportunity. Do I really need to show Tori how to make the letter P when we play Airplane? Do I really need to explain all traffic laws while driving? And for Pete’s sake, is it necessary to explain the massive amounts of nutrition my kids are losing out on simply because they don’t want to eat their peas?
3. I don’t have patience. I mean I have patience when I’m watching someone else’s kids or am helping with crafts in preschool but patience with my own kids? I can’t seem to find it and when I do–it’s hard to put keep it in play during a five minute long explanation of why Tori hit her brother or when the kids indulge the urge to clobber each other in the glass area of Hobby Lobby.
4. I can’t wait for bed time. More than once, I’ve been found hiding in my bathroom, thumbing through a book on my phone because I could not take another minute of the bedtime routine. COULD NOT, COULDN’T. There are days when the bedtime routine is sweet and refreshes me as a mom, still most bedtime moments are filled with pushing limits.
5. I wonder if I’m imparting wolf behavior. I often wonder if my strained relationships with my divorced parents are rubbing off on my kids. They tend to act most days as if raised by wolves. While I know God is redeeming each day of my life, I can’t help but see wolf-like behavior from my kids. Is it because of my interactions with them or is it because they are little people?
6. I steal my kids food. My job is to nurture and grow my little ones, but some nights, I can’t help but distract my kids so I can steal X Y or Z off their plates. The same goes for desserts and popcorn.
7. I wonder if I am a failure. At nearly 33 years of age, my career as a write hasn’t exactly taken off, nor has my “real job” for working for the news. Does this mean my kids are doomed to unsuccessful careers or do I need to reexamine my definition of success? Will my children follow in the same foot steps of trying different job avenues or will they know who they are and what God has called them to be?
8. I’m socially awkward. After my daughter’s diagnosis of Aspergers and my son’s social issues with ADHD, I thought for sure my kids inherited such disorders from their mother who cannot carry on a normal conversation or look a person in the eye because she is too busy wondering what that person must be thinking. And often I talk in third person.
9. I’m so insecure, it’s lame. There’s insecure like what we see from Ann in the movie, The Devil Wears Prada and then there’s me. I’m so insecure,very often I will send facebook messages to friends apologizing for my insecureness. It ranges from being a mom, wife, writer, and being a lame friend.
10. I don’t rely on Jesus enough. Too often I will push and push to make something happen in my power. And more often than not, I will try to solve the problem before taking it to God. I need to rely on Jesus more, I need him every moment of every day, but I sometimes despise being so weak.