Heather Riggleman

Living Bold Truths through Raw Faith.

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An open letter to the women around the world #sb50 #beyonce

February 15, 2016 By Heather

An open letter to the women around the world #sb50 #beyonce

In silence we stood in the steamy bathroom in silence when I whispered, “You don’t think you’re good enough do you?

I saw her looking at herself, and I could see the mental list Cheyenne was checking off in her head. Her hair — too curly. Her complexion — not perfect. Her height — too tall.

What I saw was different, a woman-child coming into her own with so many talents and gifts to offer the world, some she hadn’t even discovered at the time.

She asked me to brush out her tangles. We stood in the steamy bathroom in silence when I whispered, “You don’t think you’re good enough do you?”

Tears filled her hazel eyes, threatening to spill over, and I wanted to hug the hurt out of her. I wanted to hug away the lies and the pain she felt. Breaking the silence, I say:

“Darlin’, beauty isn’t about what the world thinks. It’s the courage to be who you’re created to be from the inside out. Being a woman is living in the strength to be authentic in your own skin and not what the world paints femininity to be.”

Several years ago, my daughter fell apart looking at herself in the bathroom mirror. In the middle of eighth grade, she questioned her identity because of messages from bullies, the media and so many other issues our culture blares about femininity.

Beyonce-beyonce-32537908-1280-960

Beauty, femininity and power have long been headlines and the topic of conversations from women sitting around the table to mothers hugging their daughters and wiping their tears; the Super Bowl halftime show was no exception.

In anticipation, we waited for the show, and, sadly enough, my friends and I sent all the kids out of the room when Beyonce’s rump shaking came on the screen. My own cheeks turning red, I stood and blocked the screen with my body. I didn’t want those images to sink their way into my kids’ heads.

Let’s call it what it is. Her performance and outfit were soft porn. I don’t want my son to think a woman dressing or acting that way is how women should act, performance or not.

My daughters? I want them to value their bodies and not think that in order to be accepted they have to be provocative or scandalous in any shape or form.

So my words this week are directed toward every daughter, every woman. You are powerful because you are YOU.

You were made to be freedom makers, record breakers, peacemakers, ceiling breakers, dream makers, child caretakers, village raisers, career makers.

Chy

You were made for more, not for the pleasure of men. You have gifts, talents, abilities that were meant to make this world a better place. Beauty and femininity aren’t about perfection, being normal or fitting in. It’s about being uniquely you despite what the media says we should be.

Beauty isn’t about makeup or being skinny or showing your skin.

Beauty isn’t about having it all together.

Beauty is standing out.

Beauty is using your brains, your talents and your abilities to leave a legacy for the next generation.

As a woman in my 30s I’m ready to have strong , intelligent, women role models who don’t draw their power from beauty and sexuality. So I leave you with a quote from one of my favorite authors, Lisa Bevere in her book “Girls with Swords.”

“Our present culture is more likely to encourage women to dishonor their bodies with immodesty, impropriety, obesity and other eating disorders, than to honor their bodies through modesty, propriety, and moderation. What were once commonly held as virtues — integrity, a good name and a sterling reputation — are no longer celebrated in our culture’s songs. You are more likely to hear lewd dance moves, expensive accessories, fast cars and women flocking to men who flash cash in the club. Seduction has been substituted for beauty, and the power of manipulation is rewarded over the influence of wisdom.”

Posted: Saturday, February 13, 2016 12:08 am |  Updated: 2:18 pm, Sat Feb 13, 2016.  

 HEATHER RIGGLEMAN | Chasing Perfect www.Kearneyhub.com

 

Filed Under: Faith, God, In the Media, Kearney Hub, Kearneyhub Column, Mama's Reflections, Parenting, Real Life Issues, Slider, Teen, The Real Mom Tagged With: #porn, #softporn, #villageraisers, #women, column, Kearneyhub, Openletter Leave a Comment

The Best Laid Plans

July 9, 2014 By Heather

The Best Laid Plans

Blogger friends gather around me and breath deep. My site (Detour2Motherhood.com) died today–no back up. Nada. Zip. Zilch. 

Between the site for teenage moms, their mentors, counselors, teachers, parents, etc and all the walls I’ve hit with trying to get my manuscript done, this was the last straw. 

This mama sat down and cried after throwing a few things… but it is all in God’s timing right?

My vision is to reach the hearts of teenage moms, to empower them to embrace the messiness of motherhood while introducing them to the gentleman of their dreams–Jesus. Because if I can reach just one heart, she will change the next generation. 

The site is in the process of being rebuilt, but here is the link to the first post. Fresh, from my heart and a sneak peek at the book, Detour: Surviving (And Loving Life) as a Teenage Mom. 

http://detour2motherhood.com/detour/2014/07/best-laid-plans/

Catrina1

Filed Under: Detour, Teen Mom Tagged With: Detour, teen mom Leave a Comment

Breaking the Beauty Paradox: The Legacy I Want to Leave My Daughter

May 14, 2014 By Heather

Breaking the Beauty Paradox: The Legacy I Want to Leave My Daughter

A note to my new subscribers and mama friends. If I could just reach through this screen right now, I’d hug you and hand you a cup of caramel drizzle coffee. I’m a mom to three: Cheyenne (almost 15), Elijah 7, and Tori Grace is five and my hubby and I just renewed our vows for our 15 year wedding anniversary. You can check out my book, Mama Needs a Time Out or invite me to speak at your group! Stick around, I have some exciting announcements this summer!!

Breaking the Beauty Paradox

  She takes longer than usual, forty five minutes later Cheyenne is out of the shower as steam escapes through the open door. I watch her standing in front of the mirror, looking as if she never saw herself before and then she notices me. She asks me quietly if I would straighten her mound of golden brown hair. Cheyenne vow Renewal

“Sure,” I say as I begin the tedious process of de-tangling and blow-drying her Shirley Temple curls. She’s looking at herself in the mirror but something is different, I don’t like the way she is looking at herself.

She doesn’t say it, so I say it for her, “You don’t think you’re good enough, do you?”

Her big brown eyes begin to mist, the pressure of being in eighth grade and trying to fit into the world is just too much. As I straighten her hair, my thoughts sifted out my own memories of not fitting in.

After being tormented for messy clothes, wavy hair, and yellowed teeth, I came home in tears. On the table was the mail with women’s magazine. On the cover was a beautiful woman, surrounded by messages of how to look younger, be better, do more, and have the confidence to do it.

Between the bullying and the magazine, I realized it wasn’t acceptable to be me, it was better to hide behind the picture of poise; so that day I became someone else.

For several years I had painstakingly worn the look of perfection: the latest make up trend, the most alluring outfits, going into debt to gain an education, and then climbing the ladder of career success despite already being a young mom. From the outside, life was perfect, normal, I looked like I had it all. 

On the outside, I could fit onto any magazine cover, but on the inside, I felt like I was playing pretend until one hot August day, everything shattered.

Riggleman12

“Heather, your daughter is on the Autism Spectrum, she has Asperger’s Syndrome. You will need to enroll her in therapy and find other resources in order for her to have the best possible chance at a normal life.”

Two days later, “Your son isn’t testing out as normal, we’ve confirmed he has severe ADHD with OCD tendencies.”

One month later, “Heather, we cannot find a heartbeat. The baby is gone.”

Three months later, “Heather, we feel you need to take a break from steering and we’d like to ask you to step down for forty days.”

Shaken to the core, I didn’t know who I was or how to make sense of this new imperfect life.  And it wasn’t until my life was a mess of imperfect pieces that I could see the masterpiece for what it was inside and out. 

Beauty isn’t about perfection, being normal, or fitting in. 

Beauty isn’t about makeup or being skinny or confidence.

Beauty isn’t about having it all together.

Beauty is standing out.

Chy

It’s embracing every jagged edge and calling it your own. Beauty is the willingness to embrace what is seen in the mirror for its uniqueness. Beauty isn’t defined in the pages of a magazine, nor is it defined by the roles a woman should or could do. Beauty is defined by the braveness in your soul to be authentically you. Beauty is the strength to be authentic in your own skin and this is what I wanted my daughter to see. As we stood in front of the mirror, I told her, 

“God created you for something special, I don’t know what it is yet, Chy, but you have gifts, abilities, and talent for the purpose God planned for you. Everything from your hair, to your heart has been made absolutely perfect. Forget what those girls are telling you at school or what you see on TV. Beauty is respecting yourself enough to know just how valuable your life is. Your clothes will fade and your skin will crinkle with age, but beauty comes from the strength to be you and to accept exactly who you are meant to be.”

As we stand there in the silence, the song Mean by Taylor Swift plays over the radio and we get silly. Grabbing our hairbrushes, singing along together, “You, with your words like knives, swords and weapons that you use against me. You–You’ve knocked me off my feet again, got me feeling like a nothing…Someday, I’ll be living in a big ol’ city and all you’re ever gonna be is mean…”

As we dance around our bathroom, somewhere in the middle of it, I get what she’s going through, someday and soon I hope, she will be strengthened enough in her own feminine mystique of knowing who she is and not what everyone makes her out to be.

After hugging her skinny, five-foot-eight inch frame, I send her off to bed, feeling like I have no clue what I’m doing in this stage of motherhood but being real with her has somehow helped.

  This moment has become an essential part of my life. When I hear the message I am not enough, I remember real beauty is in authenticity and I pray that this becomes the legacy I leave not only my oldest daughter but my little one as well.

I pray God reveals to her the strength and beauty she holds all on her own.  

Filed Under: All Things Motherhood, Aspergers, Encouragement, Mom to Mom, Parenting, Slider, Teen, The Real Mom Tagged With: moms together, Motherhood, real beauty, teens 3 Comments

No Really, Date Nights MAKE You a Better Parent (includes 102 date night ideas from The Mom Initiative)

March 4, 2014 By Heather

No Really, Date Nights MAKE You a Better Parent (includes 102 date night ideas from The Mom Initiative)

Ugh.

It’s Friday afternoon, the week has been BRUTAL–as in no breaks, extra pressure, unexpected deadlines, disasters, concerned emails and phone calls from teachers, and kids who seemed to have turned into wolves; and then my phone chirps. A text reminding me this evening is Date Night. Just to be sure, I check the family wall calendar. Sure enough and I think, “Oh for the love of God, not another thing!”  It meant more work, shaving my legs, feeding the kids supper ahead of time and ignoring my long LONG “to do” list.  

date nght

I felt sapped of energy, the idea of trying to emotionally connect with my husband on top of shaving my armpits made me want to crawl back under my pillows. As I laid there in my misery, a recap of this week flashed in my mind. The last scene to stood out as I  was me staring at my husband in his My Wife Rocks T-Shirt talking to a room full of moms. We had been guest speakers at a MOPS group where my husband bravely waded through the estrogen to share his take on what makes a good marriage when Chris stated, “Not only does a good marriage include frequent check ups, togetherness, and date nights but it also makes good parents.”

I wanted to be a good parent. I wanted my children and my husband to know marriage comes first, right?

SIGH!

Pushing back my bangs, I began planning this evenings meager date night. A pit stop at Panera Bread with the idea of cruising around town eating our favorite dessert or  going grocery shopping …or not. And that also meant shaving…

Four Reasons Why Parents Should Date

Putting your marriage first does make you a better parent. Why is date night so important to parents? We all have different reasons. That’s because no two parents are alike. There is one thing all parents have in common, though. They’re human beings. Everyone needs a break now and then. All work and no play makes Mom and Dad pretty dull. Even parents deserve a little down time. 

Here’s your date night pep talk and reasons why it actually makes you a better parent. 

Mom and Dad came first. I’m still not sure if it’s the chicken or the egg, but I think I’m safe to answer that we all started off as a couple first before the little one(s) showed up. Today’s world is filled with too many couples divorcing because (1) they are not emotionally invested anymore or because (2) the relationship centered around the kids who are now on their own and there is nothing in common for the couple. 

Remind yourself and your kids, marriage comes first. 

Mom and Dad have a relationship too. That’s right, you had a relationship outside of your kiddos and date nights give you a chance to socialize without interruptions, tantrums, epic stories about weird teachers, or discussing the ‘to do’ list. The better a mom and dad’s relationship is, the better more effective your parenting skills are. You are able to present a united front. You can’t be one the same page unless you’ve had a chance to visit about that page. 

Reminds you why you’re doing the parenting thing. Date night allows you and your spouse to get out of sweatpants to dress up. It gives you both a chance to look like real people again, you can look like the person your spouse fell in love with; when four a.m. rolls around, you’ll more likely have a grin on your face as you put baby back to bed because your heart’s be refueled. 

Date Night keeps the romance from burning out. Now that you’re both dressed up and looking like real people, you have the chance to talk and remember who it is you fell in love with. Your husband isn’t just the bread winner and disciplinarian, nor is he the guy that shouts from the living room during a touchdown, nor are you the chef, lunch maker, laundry folder and bottle warmer. Remind each other who you are and take every opportunity to be romantic on your date. 

Still aren’t sure about date night? I love this quote from Women Living Well. 

Here’s how I see it.  A good marriage is like an ice cream sundae.  The ice cream, hot fudge and whipped cream are your love, respect, communication, intimacy, communion with God, laughter, winks, prayer, tender kisses hello and goodbye, day in and day out forgiveness and faithfulness. 

A date night – is the cherry on top!  Must you have a cherry on top of a sundae to have a great sundae?  I suppose it’s all in your perspective.  Some women might focus on the cherry that is missing and completely miss out on the winks, tender kisses, intimacy and myriad of other things that go into a great marriage on a daily basis!   ~Women Living Well

And if you have a meager budget or crazy schedules or haven’t the slightest clue what constitutes as a date, here is my post 102 Date Night Ideas from The Mom Initiative. Head over to The Mom Initiative for a printable list. 

 

102 Date Night Ideas

The focus of any date is to reconnect with your spouse, keep it simple! 

Datenight

  1. Netflix night—watch movies or your favorite TV series on Netflix when the kids are in bed. Plan a movie marathon night. Order take out or make the perfect movie meal.
  2. Stargazing in the backyard.
  3. Bubble bath with glow sticks (trust me, the glow sticks are worth it and your husband will LOVE seeing the soft glow against your skin). :-)
  4. Board games: Monopoly, Twister, etc.
  5. Fondu—what can go wrong with chocolate?
  6. Camping indoors—complete with sleeping bags, tent, and a string of Christmas lights along with your favorite snacks.
  7. Picnic indoors.
  8. Picnic at your favorite park or in the backyard during lunch breaks if your schedules match up.
  9. Sushi night— Plan a take out night with your favorite food and eat it in bed.
  10. Do a crossword puzzles together.
  11. Go for a walk or jog. Because of my husband’s knee issues, he either rides his bike or one of our kids’ scooters.
  12. Go for a bike ride and watch the sunrise or sunset.
  13. Go fishing at sunset. Pack some sandwiches and chairs.
  14. Give each other back rubs or foot massages with warming gel.
  15. Visit a local winery for an afternoon or evening filled with taste testing wine while snacking on cheese and other complimentary snacks.
  16. Create a gourmet meal. This is one of our favorite nights. My husband can make anything taste like it came from a five star restaurant—even refried beans. Make sure to grab the candles and eat by candle light or by the fire place.
  17. Homemade pretzels. Here are the recipes: Vegan Soft Bites & Soft Pretzels. 
  18. Make homemade taffy. The pulling is a lot of fun. Old Time Taffy Recipe
  19. Go rock climbing. Make it challenge and whoever loses has to give a back rub.Try a new exercise DVD together at home.
  20. Dress up and visit open houses at homes for sale in your area. Chat about whether or not you like the back splash. 
  21. Midnight nacho run. If you have older kids, this one is so much fun.
  22. Have a facial night. Try making homemade facials. Believe it or not, some guys go for this, especially if it means he might see you naked. Facial Recipes
  23. Weekend alone in your home. Drop the kids off for an overnight at their friends’ homes or at grandmas.
  24. Morning or evening devotions together.
  25. Be a tourist in your own city. Look for travel guides and visit local attractions. Remember to take pictures.
  26. Facebook Romance. Often when I’m at work, Chris will send the lines of songs to romance me in private messages. You can also Facebook each other at home.
  27. Youtube Dancing. Learn your favorite dance at home. (Lift from the movie Dirty Dancing). 
  28. Play Video Games.
  29. Card Games with stripping. :-)
  30. Take a shower together.
  31. Flea Market Browsing. I love this one; it often sparks my husband’s carpenter skills.
  32. Attend a college sports game, grab his favorite snack like popcorn or hotdogs.
  33. Create a drive in night. Grab your computer and watch movies in the car with your favorite snacks and cozy blankets. (DO NOT TURN ON YOUR CAR).
  34. Do activities at your local fun center: bowling, ice skating, horse shoe, or roller-skating.
  35. Play games together at the arcade.
  36. Go to the gym together. Many gyms have passes for trying the gym for the first time.
  37. Rocking climbing or try a new exercise together. Make it challenge and whoever loses has to give a back rub.
  38. Try a new exercise DVD together at home.
  39. Dress up and visit open houses at homes for sale in your area.
  40. Play Frisbee golf at the park.
  41. Play Frisbee golf in the backyard with laundry baskets after the kids are in bed.
  42. Do a home improvement project together.
  43. Make organizational projects to help with the clutter at home. DIY Pinterest Project. 
  44. Visit the local hardware store for ideas to remodel. You’ll get ideas for a new backsplash for the kitchen sink.
  45. Visit a furniture store, don’t forget the try the beds.
  46. Bake and decorate cookies together.
  47. Draw artsy portraits of each other with or without clothes.
  48. Take photos of each other for each other’s work desks.
  49. Create a memory book of your favorite dates for each of your kids. Include 10 building blocks you use for a good marriage.
  50. Wrap gifts while you watch your favorite holiday movie.
  51. Dessert night. Visit your favorite restaurant for dessert. Be sure to check the site for coupons.
  52. Dress up and order appetizers at a high end restaurant.
  53. Visit your local museums. Many are free or have times when you can visit for free.
  54. Attend a local concert in the park. Grab a blanket, chocolates and other snacks. Check your city’s community events.
  55. Go sledding without the kids, bring a mug of hot coca and share kisses in the car.
  56. Spend an afternoon picking fruit or vegetables at a local farm.
  57. Spend an evening planning a getaway trip and create a savings jar. Savings JAR DIY
  58. Take your guy to the gun range and learn how to shoot. Sounds like a strange date but it is a lot of fun.
  59. Plan a book review night. Read books like Love to Stay or Love and Respect.
  60. Hobby night. Your hobby may be knitting and his may be rocking the guitar, try teaching other.
  61. Hang out at the local library on a Saturday morning reading the newspapers or browsing for new books.
  62. Travel back in time. If you live close to where each other grew up, visit your childhood homes and neighborhoods. Grab a camera and take pictures of your grown up selves there.
  63. Eat breakfast, lunch, or dinner in bed, lock the kids out until you’re finished with the meal.
  64. Roast marshmallows and make s’mores over your backyard fire pit or your kitchen stove.
  65. Play hide and seekwith post it notes. Plan to ahead to leave clues all over the house where your hubby can find you. Consider spicing it up by wearing one of his t-shirts or a new night gown (make SURE the kids are asleep.)
  66. Learn a new card game together for two. Card Games for Two. 
  67. Catch fire flies. Seriously! It is a lot of fun.
  68. Go horseback riding. Often you can find horse ranches outside city limits. Google to find one in your area.
  69. Pick out flowers or vegetables to plant.
  70. Go to a Drive-In Theater together. Make or purchase your favorite snacks (let him pick the movie).
  71. Run through the sprinklers or hang out in the kiddie pool—without the kids.
  72. Circle Maker night. If you’ve read the circle maker, you and your spouse can write out goals and prayers for each other, for each child, and as a family.
  73. Visit your local bookstore and browse CD’s and books or people watch—our favorite.
  74. Walk to your local coffee shop and share a scone and coffee.
  75. Go to open Mic night at your local coffee shop.
  76. Go to the carnival and state fair. Embrace the cheesiness and purchase cotton candy to eat while cuddling on the Farris Wheel.
  77. Visit your local car dealer and let him test drive his dream car.
  78. Visit a chocolate or cookie factory or ice cream shop. If they offer tours, plan to go on one.
  79. Prep meals together. Google your area to see if there is a business where you can prep freeze ahead meals or pick a couple of recipes to do at home.
  80. Invite another couple over for dinner.
  81. Visit the zoo and take a slow walk, taking in God’s creation.
  82. Take a class together. Many community colleges offer community education programs. Try a cooking class or pottery.
  83. Take a CPR class and practice on each other at home.
  84. Window shop downtown or at the mall. Pick out a new sexy night gown or bra.
  85. Go hiking.
  86. Camp overnight at your local recreational park. Either camp in your car or a tent by the lake.
  87. Save some cash and stay the night at a bed and breakfast in your area.
  88. House Sit at a friend’s house together.
  89. Surprise your guy with tickets to his favorite major league sport.
  90. Go to a local high school or college game. Go your local school’s website and print out the season’s schedules to put on your fridge for last minute date nights.
  91. Watch a play together at the local high school or Community Theater.
  92. Hunt Garage Sales. Grab his favorite on the go breakfast and hunt for home improvement items, décor, or whatever else strikes your fancy.
  93. Rent a tandem bike. Pack a few sandwiches or snacks and work together to get moving.
  94. Stay the night at a local hotel. Plan ahead and visit the hotel’s site for good deals.
  95. Visit a planetarium. See the stars without braving the cold by getting tickets to the planetarium (for extra privacy for make out sessions, go during off seasons).
  96. Volunteer at a local shelter together or another area of interest like Habitat for Humanity.
  97. Go with him on a business trip or vice versa. He might be gone all day but you’ll have a cozy hotel room to cuddle when he gets back. Order room service.
  98. Sign up for a 5K or try something more challenging like the Warrior Dash www.warriordash.com. Train alone but also train together when your schedule’s allow.
  99. Go to a marriage retreat. This will take some planning and saving but it is SO worth it. Consider Family Life’s: Weekend to Remember.
  100. Dance in the kitchen. Load your Ipod with your favorite tunes and dance the night away.
  101. Go the dog park. If your man is a dog lover, he will love you for this one.
  102. Play Hooky. Send the kids to school and spend the day doing your favorite activity or stay in bed.

Photo Credit

Filed Under: All Things Motherhood, Encouragement, Family Togetherness, Kids, Marriage, Mom to Mom, Real Life Issues, Slider, Teen, Women Tagged With: better parents, date night, how to keep the romance alive, marriage 4 Comments

IEP Checklist

September 25, 2013 By Heather

IEP Checklist

It seems like school just barely got into full swing when the letters arrive. The letters are documents of my daughter’s IEP from last year and what the school wants to address this year. Instead of dreading them like most parents, I look forward to it. For years, our daughter struggled in school until we learned she has Pervasive Sensory Disorder with Inattentive Attention Disorder and Aspergers. 

While the labels above included the word disorder–I saw her as a late bloomer and a different learner. To me, Cheyenne can be just as well educated as the rest of her peers, but the key to helping her learn is understanding how she learns and that’s where the IEP comes in. It is your chance to do battle for your child at school to help her have the best education possible. 

We are blessed to have an entire team of teachers whom are excellent in following procedures of an IEP in the state of Nebraska who do not lose sight of who Cheyenne is. When we first started IEP’s, I wished I had this checklist, so pin it to your Pinterest boards.  

Below is a checklist of what you need to do BEFORE – DURING – AFTER  your child’s IEP. And here are a few of my favorite “helps” when I prepare for IEP’s. 

Favorite “Helps” 

1. IEP Checklist for Parents — National Center for Learning Disabilities. (Click here for a printable checklist). If you’re a paper person, you will love this checklist, it helps you objectively think about what you need to accomplish. 

2.  Apps! 

The Teacher App & Gradebook is great for staying connected with your child’s school, all of her teachers, and monitoring progress, assigments, etc. 

What Did We Do Today (WDWDT) It’s a messaging service desgined for teachers to stay connected online and offline to his students. It also keeps parents informed in real time of what is happening through out the day. Teachers use thismobile app and website to create quick short form messages in categories like Homework, Reminders, Surveys, Meeting Requests and more. Parents and Students get their messages from the app, website, email, push notification or even text message if they prefer. It’s private, two-way, direct and ensures that everyone stays informed.

Your child’s school should send you documents containing last year’s IEP and the request of your presence for the next IEP. If not, request these documents and confirm a time to have the IEP.

Before the IEP

Gather your documents and compare to what the school sends. Request all documents in your child’s file. I generally request the entire educational file. 

  • Next, make a list of your child’s present level of functioning based on your observations. Include an assessment of your child’s skills in the following areas: 
  •  Academic (specify if skills vary by subject)
  •  Developmental (if pre-academic)
  •  Motor 
  •  Speech/language 
  • Social 
  •  Self-help 
  •  Prevocational and vocational 
  •  Other

Write down your child’s strengths. What changes have you seen in her this year compared to last year? Make a list of these changes and challenges and send it to your child’s team. This will help them create goals and meet the needs your child has. For example, this year Cheyenne will be taking art year round because it helps her express her emotions. 

Know what you want in terms of placement, services and goals and why you want each item and what objective and subjective data/information supports what you want.

During the IEP

  • Pray before going into the meeting. Ask for God to show the path marked for your child. 
  • During the IEP meeting, maintain a positive attitude. Take a leadership role in the meeting. 
  • Always remember that IEP Meetings are BUSINESS MEETINGS. Maintain a calm attitude and PRAY your team understands your childs disability and are willing to listen and think outside the box.  
  • If during the IEP meeting, someone states they want to make changes to the IEP in your child’s favor, concisely repeat what was stated and request that the other person’s statement be reflected in the IEP notes.
  •  If someone makes a statement during the IEP meeting that you do not understand (e.g., is confusing); ask for clarity.
  • Ask questions during the IEP meeting (for example, how many times did you observe my child and for how long).
  •  If during the IEP meeting, someone states something different from you want stated ,  acknowledge the “opposing” statement and state  why you disagree. Use examples if needed.
  •  Discuss how much progress has been made on goals from the last IEP, which goals will need to be continued, and which will need to be modified. Ask for specific examples of how progress has been measured on the current IEP. 
  •  Review the IEP before leaving the IEP meeting, making certain that key concerns and statements have been reflected in the IEP notes.
  •  Remember the school district is generally only responsible for what’s written in the IEP, so make sure it says what is agreed to and get a copy before you leave.
  •  Generally, do not sign the IEP until you have had time to review it at home (treat the IEP as if it is a binding contract).
  •  Remember, the power to say No! You can disagree as to all educational offerings within an IEP or agree in part and disagree in part. With very few exceptions, the school district cannot change your child’s current educational program without your consent. 

After the IEP

  • Ask for a copy of the IEP and send back a copy with corrections you feel need to be made. 
  • Request a copy for your records. 
  • Share a copy of your child’s IEP with the appropriate health professionals. 
  • Follow up on any lingering questions and document any changes you feel needs to be made.Moniter your child’s progress and note if the changes have been beneficial or not. Sometimes, it’s trial and error. 
  • Remember you can ask for a review of your child’s IEP at any time of the school year, especially if you feel new changes are not meeting your child’s needs. 

 

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Filed Under: All Things Motherhood, Aspergers, Mom to Mom, Real Life Issues, Slider, Special Needs Kids, Teen Tagged With: Aspergers, how to to prepare for IEP, IEP, parent teacher meetings, what do I need to bring to an IEP 4 Comments

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