Heather Riggleman

Leading women on the adventure of faith and real life.

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The ADHD Bills of Rights – And encouragement for every parent of an ADHD kid.

June 24, 2014 By Heather

The ADHD Bills of Rights – And encouragement for every parent of an ADHD kid.

I knew this summer would be hard–but I honestly didn’t realize how hard it would be. Can I be honest for a minute? 

I have been lonely, angry, and guilt ridden. I know it’s summer, I know we are all busy, but what made issues for me more intense was realizing I had no one who understood what I was going through, maybe they didn’t want to? Who knows. But when you’re a mom of a child with ADHD and processing disorders, it’s a new ball game. 

The rules of cause and affect don’t apply. Discipline is different, behaviors are gauged differently. And here’s the thing, this summer we opted to try a non-stimulant for my son. We were concerned about some of the side affects and thought the summer months would be a perfect time to try other medications. 

These last four weeks, we waited for the medication to build up in his system. Every morning, I was in tears because he had already committed a dubious crime on his sisters or something worse.  I cried and pulled out my hair after yelling at my son for running away with his little sister. When I asked why, he couldn’t tell me. 

I felt guilty when my husband disciplined our son. It was supposed to be a fun family outing as we opted to walk to our favorite restaurant. When my husband and I both told all of our kids to stay away from the road and walk on by the grass edge of the sidewalk, my son impulsively jumped out into the busy road—during rush hour. 

Barely two seconds before a white car hit our son, my husband scooped him up and tossed him into the grass before angrily asking why he did that. 

Our son had no reply. 

This has been my summer. Keeping my son alive and parenting his behaviors–waiting for the medication to build up in his system while I focused on diet and other avenues.

 Frustrated, second guessing myself, feeling guilty and alone. 

But when I shared this change, the responses from other mom’s shocked and angered me. Mom’s shared their opinions alright like:

You shouldn’t medicate your child, you should embrace him and help him cope naturally.

I don’t medicate my child, I use essential oils and they’ve reacted so well.

I think ADHD has been over diagnosed. I’ve found most moms who have ADHD kids can’t handle how rough and loud their kids are. I don’t think they know how to parent. 

Stop Judging, Start Embracing

I want to take a second and say ADHD has been over diagnosed, and if you use other methods to help your child–I am so thankful they work for you. I also want to say that parents who have children with ADHD don’t need another recommendation–like me, they need support and understanding. 

 Listen, motherhood is hard enough. We are bombarded with countless choices we make for our children and ourselves.

Breast or bottle? Cosleep or crib? Work or stay home? Private or public education? Spank or not? We make a million different choices for our children–only to second guess ourselves because another mom does it differently.

If my choices are different than yours, please don’t tell me I’m doing it wrong. Like you, I spend enough hours laying awake at night second guessing myself, fighting the guilt and wondering if my choice to medicate is truly needed or if it’s because I can’t mother him any better.

The ADHD Bill of Rights 

The guilt I felt was overwhelming and when I made an appointment to see his behavior therapist ASAP, I wondered if I was doing the right thing when his therapist stated, 

You should know, kids who truly have ADHD like your son–the only thing that works for them is stimulants combined with understanding and a highly structured environment. 

 Weary and tired, I left with another prescription to add to my son’s medication routine as well as a new understanding for his impulsiveness. While they might not have answers for the things they do, The ADHD Bill of Rights helps you and I as moms get inside their heads. It rids us of some of the mom guilt we carry and provides a little insight. 

The next time you feel alone or you wonder why your ADHD kid acted out, please know you are NOT alone and review the “Rights” listed below as you take a deep breath before you dive back in. 

And if you have a friend who is struggling with her ADHD child, read this and then pass it on to her. 

And if you know a mom who mother’s differently–don’t judge, instead embrace her and ask how she is doing. 

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ADHD Heather Riggleman

 

For your own print out of The Child’s ADHD Bill of Rights, click here: ADHD Bill of Rights. Hang it in your child’s room, on your fridge, in your classroom or give it to your child’s teacher.  

The ADHD Child’s Bill Of Rights

By Ruth Harris 
“Help me to focus.”
“Please teach me through my sense of “touch.”
I need “hands on” and “body movement.”
“I need to know what comes next.”
Please give me a structured environment where there is a dependable routine.
Give me an advanced warning if there will be changes.
“Wait for me; I’m still thinking.”
Please allow me to go at my own pace.
If I rush, I get confused and upset.
“I’m stuck! I can’t do it!”
Please offer me options for problem-solving.
I need to know the detours when the road is blocked.
“Is it right? I need to know NOW!”
Please give me rich and immediate feedback on how I’m doing.
“I didn’t forget, I didn’t ‘hear’ it in the first place!”
Please give me directions one step at a time and ask me to
say back what I think you said.
“I didn’t know I Wasn’t in my seat!”
“Please remind me to STOP, THINK and ACT.”
Am I almost done now?
Please give me short work periods with short-term goals.
“What?”
Please don’t say “I’ve already told you that.”
Tell me again in different words.
Give me a signal. Draw me a symbol.
“I know, it’s ALL wrong, isn’t it?”
Please give me praise for partial success.
Reward me for self-improvement, not just for perfection.
“But why do I always get yelled at?”
Please catch me doing something right and praise me for my specific positive behavior.
Remind me (and yourself) about my good points, when I’m having a bad day.
“I may be hard to live with, and have ADHD, but I still have
feelings and would have never chosen to behave like I do
sometimes.”

(Reprinted from Newsletter of The Delaware Association For The Education of Young Children, Winter 1993-94) © 1991, Ruth Harris, Northwest Reading Clinic.

 

Filed Under: ADHD, All Things Motherhood, Blog, Encouragement, Kids, Parenting, Resources for Moms, Slider, Special Needs Kids Tagged With: ADHD Bill of Rights, ADHD kids, Encouragement, How to parent ADHD kids, Kids 1 Comment

10 Ways Churches Can Love a Child with Special Needs

July 29, 2013 By Heather

10 Ways Churches Can Love a Child with Special Needs

I still feel the sting of frustrated teachers coming to me about my son’s over active behaviors and the moments when people just didn’t “get” why my daughter was in tears and needed to be taken home. I’ve been parenting one child with severe ADHD and another who is Autistic, more specifically Aspergers, I call her my Aspie child. 

While my children have very mild needs on the scale of special needs, I have much compassion and insight. This is because I grew up with a brother who was had severe brain damage from his body reacting to vaccines as a toddler. Church and new places were often a source of stress for my mother and my brother due to the lack of accommodations.  While church is supposed to be a welcoming place, it can be intimidating; however, no matter the size or the situation, I believe with a little understanding and compassion, church can be an amazing “home” for a child with special needs.

Here are some tips to consider for your own church.

1. Greet Families and Simply Ask.

When new families walk through the door with a special needs child (SNC), greet them like any other family. Greet them and offer to show them where the children’s Sunday school classrooms are.  Show them where the private rooms are to watch the service if there are any and don’t forget to show them the bathrooms. 

Offer to carry bags and assist in getting them registered. This shows kindness, compassion and a warm friendly welcome. 

2. Offer Family Worship Accommodations

My church as a beautiful Narthex, complete with a flat screen. When welcoming new families, we let them know that the Narthex is a great place to still be a part of the service. And while this is nice, consider creating a room where families can go with access to the main service, complete with sound/visual and a place to rest. This also offers privacy and less distraction which is a great way to focus on God. 

3.  Kids Activity Night

The emotional, mental, physical demands of caring for special needs kids can be overwhelming. Parents need more breaks to avoid burn out. This can be a great ministry of your church. Consider a kids activity night where families can drop off their kids for one to three hours. This allows time to rest, clean house, reconnect with their spouse or shop. 

4. Special Needs Staff Assistants

This will require extra planning and dedication depending on how your church is facilitated. Consider placing volunteers in all classroom ages who will specifically care for the child. This allows the child to have his or her needs met in the classroom while still enjoying mainstream Sunday School activities. 

5. Communication Standards

When caring for a child with special needs parents know them inside and out and sometimes the Sunday School teach is perplexed about what the child needs. Consider a paging or text messaging system to communicate with the parents during service. This gives the parent reassurance and the teacher flexibility. 

6. Educate

Depending on the size of your church and the types of needs walking through the door, education is key. Give information about the diagnosis’ of the kids your church serves. If it’s ADHD, teach Sunday School teachers and volunteers about behaviors and ways to communicate. 

This empowers your volunteers and gives the kids a better chance to enjoy being in Sunday School

7. Ask

Communication puts both the parents and the Sunday School teachers at ease. It shows your church cares about the needs the family and the child has. Ask about ways your church can assist the family and child while they are at church. It can be something as simple as texting the parent during service about the child’s morning. 

Meeting these needs gives parents a piece of mind, allowing them to relax and focus on worshipping God. 

8. Accessibility

Be sure areas like the sidewalks, handicaps parking, aisles, doors, etc are free from debris. Making sure these areas are accessible for wheelchairs and walkers allows independence.

9. Special Needs Activities & Services

Depending on the size of your church, consider having events specifically for kids with special needs. While most parents like myself want our child to be as mainstream as possible,but it is AWESOME to have events that are just for our kids. Sometimes events like Easter Egg hunts can be overwhelming, so depending on the size of your church, consider offering events once a month that are just for them! 

10. Dietary Accommodations

Many parents are finding that not only does their child have developmental delays but their child has dietary needs as well. Both my children are on a Clean Eating Diet, meaning we avoid preservatives, sugars, processed foods, antibiotics and hormones. This has greatly reduced their symptoms. 

Many children have other needs like gluten-free foods or low glycemic foods. When planning a church picnic, offer foods that are gluten-free. If you are unsure of the dietary needs, consider calling the families and plan accordingly. It will great bless those families. 

 

What does your church to do assist families with special needs? 

 

 

Filed Under: Blog, Slider, Special Needs Kids, Worship Tagged With: ADHD kids, Aspergers, autism, autistic children, Church, Churches, going to church with a special needs child, special needs kids 2 Comments

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