Heather, at this point–anxiety is something to consider. Your mom life isn’t exactly normal. You work five evenings a week, on top of caring for one child with Asperger’s which alone is a monumental task on top of the fact she is a teenager. Then there is your son whose needs would send any parent into therapy with his ADHD. And then there’s your preschooler’s schedule.
Let’s put the heart monitor on for the weekend and see what we find. Maybe anxiety is causing some of your heart issues.
I left the doctor’s office feeling the weight of one more thing as five wires snaked all over my body before attaching themselves to a monitor on my hip. Driving home, a running list of my children’s needs mingled with guilt. Soon the ‘should haves’ were in rhythm with my heartbeat; needs, to do list, mountains of laundry, bills–good lord, what are we doing to do about the bills?
The lights turned red, I rolled my suburban to a stop all the while thoughts whirled around the issues of my heart and kids before all of it crashed into one single emotion–causing my heart to skip not just one beat but two.
The monitored recorded exactly what I was feeling. I am not enough.
The thing is we all feel that way some days. Some of us feel the weight of hopelessness more than others.
Some of us have children with down syndrome, severe ADHD, behavioral disorders. Still some of us have children who are normal, but are struggling to be all as a single parent.
Still some of us are aching for a new routine, new schedule, anything that brings our spouses home more often than away as each day marches towards the weekend.
Others are tired from working all day long barely paying the bills as the weight of not enough time squeezes their hearts as they tuck their worn-out-from-daycare-kids to bed.
The truth is we all feel the weight of “not enough.” We all have worries, some so deep we see the way it etches lines around our eyes as we square off in the mirror.
We all feel lost. Like in the days before GPS & Siri where we used to print out maps — and just we when glance down at our paper, the exit flies by…that kind of lost.
We are all in search of something, the one thing to make it all better. The piece to the missing puzzle which solves all problems, dissolves guilt and lets us sleep deeply at night.
We’re looking for thing to take away the anxiety that reminds us we really aren’t lost, we aren’t grasping in the dark, we aren’t enough. The truth is found when we surrender completely to God, we become more than enough as we works through our weaknesses. The truth is his love casts out all fear, all worries and reminds us of his grace.
How do we become enough?
It begins by taking our focus off our worries and focusing in him.
It’s our relationship with him. It’s the kind of relationship where we can bury our face in the carpet, tears streaming down, when nothing we utter is human much less a word. It’s when we know he can decipher our hearts.
Pursuing a relationship with God resets our focus, centers our hearts, calms the fear, because once we go after Him he covers us with his love–his consuming love. We become so lost within him, our hearts are found–without anxiety.
Little mama, I am with you, when I begin to doubt, I go to him to remember I am enough; let’s make our first priority a Godward focus. Let’s pursue a relationship with him.
When Worry Wants to Wrestle
Whether you’ve walked with God for years or you aren’t sure who he is, there are steps you can take to wrestle worry to the ground and feel as though you are enough.
1. Read your Bible daily. Whether it’s just one scripture verse and then journaling, or completing a reading plan, reading God’s word renews your mind. It hits the reset button on worry, the to-do list, and casts out all fear because your mind is being filled with his word.
Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. Romans 12:2
2. The moment you wake up, pray to God. Think of him, think of what his son did on the cross for you. Surrender your day to him. Ask him into your mess, your moment, your thoughts.
3. Listen to songs that direct your thoughts to God, how he cares for you. Listen to songs which resonate with the battle you’re facing, after all little mama–you are enough with him, your flesh may fail but your God never will.
4. Focus on key verses from the Bible. Often when I feel as if I am not enough, it’s because my circumstances and worry have stormed the gates of my heart and overtaken my thoughts. I needed to be reminded of who God is and what he does.
Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. I Peter 5:7
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Phil. 4:6&7
An anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up. Prov. 12:25
But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble. Matt. 6:33&34
Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him; fret not yourself over the one who prospers in his way, over the man who carries out evil devices! Psalm 37:7
The LORD is on my side; I will not fear. What can man do to me? Psalm 118:6
Often when I begin to feel this way, I rely on key scriptures about hope. I post them all over the house. I focus on God’s promises found within those passages. I stand on them, weave them into my prayers. And if you’re feeling as though you aren’t enough, here are 20 printable verses of hope for you too. Click here: Scriptures of Hope to Combat Worry Heather Riggleman.
As much as I’d like to say my heart issues were just the product of worry, I cannot. More tests, more questions to add to an already busy day–but I do know where I can find my hope!
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