Heather Riggleman

Living Bold Truths through Raw Faith.

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When the walls fall and what’s left is devastatingly lovely

August 24, 2017 By Heather

When the walls fall and what’s left is devastatingly lovely

My throat feels thick and my vision blurs. The mess and memories come tumbling out of my heart and I want to run. Instead I pour all my energy into the swing. Arial Yoga, better known as Flight School in my little hometown. 

The room is hot and thick as muscle and sinew stretch, screaming for the familiar. My muscle memory is forced to do something new I think about how I don’t know who I am and I don’t like the new that surrounds me. On my knees in the rubble and the mess and I found myself in the thick of white space. Like a blank canvas, the old ways of my life gone. The things I was driven to be and do. 

To write. 

To have a voice.

To have an identity.

And then it happened. 

Trauma. 

Gut wrenching and helpless, I watched everything I had built with my bare hands come tumbling down. Like the walls of Jericho falling. It’s day seven in my life and I’m standing to the rubble. The dust of what was floats across the canyon of my heart. Words, titles, and failures take flight. 

I think back to the moment when I saw the walls splitting and cracking. And I whispered “God, what are you doing?” 

He whispered back, “Rescuing you from the life you thought you wanted.” 

The instructor calls out another pose and I dive backwards of out my swing, head first to the floor, the hammock tight under my knees as I flip to walk forward on my hands. Sweat hits the floor and it’s time to get back up.

I find myself unable to pull myself back up into my swing. Arching my back, I can’t lift my body heavy with emotional strain. My instructor encourages me. Muscles shaking, I tremble and he can see I can’t will my body to do what it needs. 

He puts his hands under my back and lifts me up. And there it is. The moment of clarity. I didn’t know I needed rescued, I didn’t know I couldn’t do what needed to be done.  I didn’t know I needed my walls to fall. 

If my life before had been a comfortable routine, it was now transformed into a unorthodox way of living.  If I were to dig through the files of your life, I’m certain to find a defining life change of your own. 

And now you’re life is standing in the mess of day seven. Whether you’re ready or not, here comes trial inducing change. And the desperate question of why.

How can I make room for change when I didn’t want it in the first place?How can I live my life well when it fills foreign spiritual white space? A blank canvas. 

My instructor calls out for change as he describes how the next pose pushes our body to make room for new muscle and a capacity to breathe deeper. It breathes life into our veins. 

Here’s the thing, make no mistake, God will rescue us from the things that keep us from the life he wants for us. He lifts us up to allow change so we can have his presence and strength like never before. He calls us to something better even if we can’t see it yet. He calls us to change. He calls us to a blank canvas.

And then I think about day seven – the day of change can be devastatingly lovely. 

 

Filed Under: Chasing Perfect, Faith, Faithful Moms, God, Mama's Reflections, Slider, The Real Mom, Women, Working Mom, Worship Tagged With: career, challenges, indentity, marriage, Mess, taming the chaos Leave a Comment

Your Everyday Matters

September 22, 2014 By Heather

Your Everyday Matters

John Lennon once said, “Life happens when you’re busy making other plans.” It couldn’t be more true for you and me but it took a few college people to open my eyes to one important truth found beneath what Lennon once said and it’s this: Your everyday matters. 

Feeling slightly out of place with my 30 something wrinkles, I make my mom to-do list in the corner of a tiny, stale classroom (which really should be an office); dozens of students mingle, getting to know each other as we collectively take a deep breath to gear up for the semester. While everyone is talking about resumes and beer, I’m thinking about folding laundry and what to make for school lunches.

The moment could be like the opening scene of any underdog movie where the character is about to “make it big.” I can’t help but laugh as I listen to all the chatter; it consists of soon-to-be gradates of English, making plans for the big moment. Each revolve around landing the perfect career to enjoy other big moments in life. This big moment is when they know they made it and life will be a series of big memorable moments after that.

Cheyenne Thinking

 The conversations stay with me as I rush to my car in order to pick up my kids from three different locations within 30 minutes. The rest of the day is looks like yesterday and the day before that. Checking homework, making supper, cussing at the laundry pile and dirty dishes in the sink. Little forgetful moments filled with mundane little chores, the day to day existence of me.  

I wonder if I make a difference.

Just who reminds her son over and over not to be selfish without irritation spilling over? Does my mom life hold any significance? Will my words and instruction carry memorable weight in the big picture of life? And it’s there in that moment when I’m gently reminded Steve Jobs had a mother. Albert Einstein had a mother and so did Billy Graham. 

Chy and Tori 2

He reminds me how He created the greatest of miracles scratched onto scrolls where life was mundane, repetitive, and full of hard work but pregnant with life change.  It was in the mundane where God taught our fellow saints to see more in the everyday.

Chy and Tori

Those who left the greatest legacy were everyday people like you and me. He wants us to look more than surface deep because it’s there–trust me–where wisdom, love, and glory are mixed with sweat and tears reminiscent of when our child’s heart is forever changed. 

Your Mom Life Matters 

What you do each day matters because each moment is built on top of another, all strung together, lined up through years and years which becomes the foundation of a person–someone who will learn how to make a difference with his or her everyday moments, someone who will become the next Steve Jobs, Billy Graham, or stay at home mom. 

Mom LIfe (1)

Never despise the mundane. Embrace it, unwrap each day like a gift. No matter when or how you became a mom–you matter–forget the person who explained away your dreams, gifts, ideas, your stories and your testimony. Whether you’re a working mom or stay at home mom–you matter. 

Boys

YOU matter because you encourage little people to be their best. 
YOU matter because you create the foundation of who your child becomes.

YOU matter because you put your dreams on old to make their dreams happen while you fold shirts and hand out character building chores.

YOU matter because your intuition tells you when they need someone to listen to their hurts, fears, dreams, and trials. 

YOU matter because you hold their entire world in your hands–you show them what life is and isn’t. 

YOU matter because because your courage teaches them to be courageous.

YOU matter because your work of keeping a home creates a dwelling place where your children are free to grown and become. 

YOU matter because your presence is their harbor, a place where they can anchor themselves in life’s storms. 

Baby girl

I think of those college kids planning for big moments when someone should be telling them to prepare for the mundane, to learn how to unwrap each everyday moment. Someone needs to tell them to look to their mother’s and whisper wisdom gaining prayers because real life happens when we’re busy making other plans. 


 For more of Heather’s posts, subscribe below and receive a copy of her new book, “Let’s Talk About Prayer.” 

Filed Under: All Things Motherhood, Blog, Encouragement, Mama's Reflections, Mom to Mom, Slider, The Real Mom, Women Tagged With: challenges, embracing everyday moments, embracing motherhood, Motherhood 4 Comments

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