Heather Riggleman

Living Bold Truths through Raw Faith.

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The ADHD Bills of Rights – And encouragement for every parent of an ADHD kid.

June 24, 2014 By Heather

The ADHD Bills of Rights – And encouragement for every parent of an ADHD kid.

I knew this summer would be hard–but I honestly didn’t realize how hard it would be. Can I be honest for a minute? 

I have been lonely, angry, and guilt ridden. I know it’s summer, I know we are all busy, but what made issues for me more intense was realizing I had no one who understood what I was going through, maybe they didn’t want to? Who knows. But when you’re a mom of a child with ADHD and processing disorders, it’s a new ball game. 

The rules of cause and affect don’t apply. Discipline is different, behaviors are gauged differently. And here’s the thing, this summer we opted to try a non-stimulant for my son. We were concerned about some of the side affects and thought the summer months would be a perfect time to try other medications. 

These last four weeks, we waited for the medication to build up in his system. Every morning, I was in tears because he had already committed a dubious crime on his sisters or something worse.  I cried and pulled out my hair after yelling at my son for running away with his little sister. When I asked why, he couldn’t tell me. 

I felt guilty when my husband disciplined our son. It was supposed to be a fun family outing as we opted to walk to our favorite restaurant. When my husband and I both told all of our kids to stay away from the road and walk on by the grass edge of the sidewalk, my son impulsively jumped out into the busy road—during rush hour. 

Barely two seconds before a white car hit our son, my husband scooped him up and tossed him into the grass before angrily asking why he did that. 

Our son had no reply. 

This has been my summer. Keeping my son alive and parenting his behaviors–waiting for the medication to build up in his system while I focused on diet and other avenues.

 Frustrated, second guessing myself, feeling guilty and alone. 

But when I shared this change, the responses from other mom’s shocked and angered me. Mom’s shared their opinions alright like:

You shouldn’t medicate your child, you should embrace him and help him cope naturally.

I don’t medicate my child, I use essential oils and they’ve reacted so well.

I think ADHD has been over diagnosed. I’ve found most moms who have ADHD kids can’t handle how rough and loud their kids are. I don’t think they know how to parent. 

Stop Judging, Start Embracing

I want to take a second and say ADHD has been over diagnosed, and if you use other methods to help your child–I am so thankful they work for you. I also want to say that parents who have children with ADHD don’t need another recommendation–like me, they need support and understanding. 

 Listen, motherhood is hard enough. We are bombarded with countless choices we make for our children and ourselves.

Breast or bottle? Cosleep or crib? Work or stay home? Private or public education? Spank or not? We make a million different choices for our children–only to second guess ourselves because another mom does it differently.

If my choices are different than yours, please don’t tell me I’m doing it wrong. Like you, I spend enough hours laying awake at night second guessing myself, fighting the guilt and wondering if my choice to medicate is truly needed or if it’s because I can’t mother him any better.

The ADHD Bill of Rights 

The guilt I felt was overwhelming and when I made an appointment to see his behavior therapist ASAP, I wondered if I was doing the right thing when his therapist stated, 

You should know, kids who truly have ADHD like your son–the only thing that works for them is stimulants combined with understanding and a highly structured environment. 

 Weary and tired, I left with another prescription to add to my son’s medication routine as well as a new understanding for his impulsiveness. While they might not have answers for the things they do, The ADHD Bill of Rights helps you and I as moms get inside their heads. It rids us of some of the mom guilt we carry and provides a little insight. 

The next time you feel alone or you wonder why your ADHD kid acted out, please know you are NOT alone and review the “Rights” listed below as you take a deep breath before you dive back in. 

And if you have a friend who is struggling with her ADHD child, read this and then pass it on to her. 

And if you know a mom who mother’s differently–don’t judge, instead embrace her and ask how she is doing. 

Don’t miss out on Heather’s blog posts, to sign up, add your email in the space below!!  

  

ADHD Heather Riggleman

 

For your own print out of The Child’s ADHD Bill of Rights, click here: ADHD Bill of Rights. Hang it in your child’s room, on your fridge, in your classroom or give it to your child’s teacher.  

The ADHD Child’s Bill Of Rights

By Ruth Harris 
“Help me to focus.”
“Please teach me through my sense of “touch.”
I need “hands on” and “body movement.”
“I need to know what comes next.”
Please give me a structured environment where there is a dependable routine.
Give me an advanced warning if there will be changes.
“Wait for me; I’m still thinking.”
Please allow me to go at my own pace.
If I rush, I get confused and upset.
“I’m stuck! I can’t do it!”
Please offer me options for problem-solving.
I need to know the detours when the road is blocked.
“Is it right? I need to know NOW!”
Please give me rich and immediate feedback on how I’m doing.
“I didn’t forget, I didn’t ‘hear’ it in the first place!”
Please give me directions one step at a time and ask me to
say back what I think you said.
“I didn’t know I Wasn’t in my seat!”
“Please remind me to STOP, THINK and ACT.”
Am I almost done now?
Please give me short work periods with short-term goals.
“What?”
Please don’t say “I’ve already told you that.”
Tell me again in different words.
Give me a signal. Draw me a symbol.
“I know, it’s ALL wrong, isn’t it?”
Please give me praise for partial success.
Reward me for self-improvement, not just for perfection.
“But why do I always get yelled at?”
Please catch me doing something right and praise me for my specific positive behavior.
Remind me (and yourself) about my good points, when I’m having a bad day.
“I may be hard to live with, and have ADHD, but I still have
feelings and would have never chosen to behave like I do
sometimes.”

(Reprinted from Newsletter of The Delaware Association For The Education of Young Children, Winter 1993-94) © 1991, Ruth Harris, Northwest Reading Clinic.

 

Filed Under: ADHD, All Things Motherhood, Blog, Encouragement, Kids, Parenting, Resources for Moms, Slider, Special Needs Kids Tagged With: ADHD Bill of Rights, ADHD kids, Encouragement, How to parent ADHD kids, Kids 1 Comment

“I never said it would be easy.” How to Stand ON Faith.

June 21, 2014 By Heather

“I never said it would be easy.” How to Stand ON Faith.

Father God, 

I don’t even know where to start, I feel so trapped. I want to write–for my words to ignite thousands of women’s hearts to be on fire for you. I want each word to be the catalyst that makes each women turn around and run back to you–brave in their faith, steady in their walk, and hearts trusting in you. 

And then I look up from my computer, my kids running through the yard, playing football and drawing imaginary adventures in chalk on the sidewalk. My heart burns just as much to see them grow in their faith–to be ambassadors for Christ in this crazy world that seems to push YOU out every chance it gets. 

Life feels so messy, upside down and inside out. The bills overwhelm me, the needs my kids have worry me, and then I wonder if I’m being too selfish to dream these dreams. 

I feel like the world is against me, and I feel like I’m all by myself, and I don’t think I can hear your voice. I feel all alone. (excerpt from my journal). 

 

Faith was so easy when I first met God, his love flooded my world like one ocean wave after another hitting the shores of my heart. I didn’t need to worry about the future or about my dreams because he told me

“You’ll never be alone. I will always be with you. Stand on your faith in me.”

But here’s the thing, I’m not who I was when I first met Jesus; the journey of life has brought me to valleys I never expected. The pathways are broken and the signs are often unclear. But I’m clinging to the promise he isn’t through with me yet and I have one thought:

If this trial brings me closer to YOU, I’ll walk through it if you want me to. 

Maybe you feel the same way little mama. 🙂  Do you ever have days where your life feels like it’s a mess? You wonder as you match off white socks “Is this all there is? Am I making a difference? Do I matter? Does Jesus hear me? Is he even here? 

Your pathway may be broken and the road signs are unclear and this may be the darkest valley you’ve ever walked through; and it seems like he isn’t answering your cries for help. 

But it doesn’t mean God isn’t with you. 

He never said it would be easy. HeatherRiggleman.com

Because when we don’t stand on faith, we fall into the pits of worry and doubt. We forget how mighty our God is. We forget WHO HE IS. We forget how much he suffered to win our hearts–we forget the details of the love story he is writing to us. 

When a woman doesn’t stand on faith, she will ache with the sadness of an overwhelmed & lonely soul. 

He giving us the opportunity to grow in our faith, to trust him in life when it feels like he is absent, to tell our hearts to be still for he is still with us–it’s a chance to close our eyes and remember his promises.

So when your dreams become stagnant, 

                     when your child slams his door in your face

        when your husband turns away from you

                             when the final bill notice arrives in the mail

       when the medical tests come back abnormal

                when our child’s behaviors drive us to our knees

Stand on the promises HE gave you at the beginning of your life’s journey,

“Little mama, I never said it would be easy,

                                        I said you would never go alone. 

     I will ALWAYS be with you. 

The Truth  

he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.
He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear the Lord
and put their trust in him. ~Psalm 40:2-3

He never said it would be easy. HeatherRiggleman.com

 

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Filed Under: Blog, Cleaning Tips, Devotions, Faith, Fiathful mom, Mama's Reflections, Mom to Mom, Slider, The Real Mom Tagged With: devotionals, devotions, Encouragement, Faith, faithful mom, God, jesus, Kids, mamas reflections, Motherhood, psalm 40, Sunday, when I need faith Leave a Comment

Perfect Moms Aren’t Found Here

January 8, 2013 By Heather

Perfect Moms Aren’t Found Here

I love writing. It comes naturally and I can create a prose of sentences to pull on the strings of you heart or with a few more strokes I can probably describe your day like it is in my home. If I try just a bit harder, I can create a picture perfect world, like the one I had on Christmas Eve, snow blanketing the ground perfectly while I warmed myself by the fire as my kids rolled into dreamland in their beds.

 A picture of perfection is created in moments, mainly because of one little key that is always at the ready to for me to stroke it. In fact, my pinky finger glides across it often–if not 8 to 10 times in one single sentence. Delete. 

delete-button1

It’s my safety net. I can write a whole book and if I don’t like what I read, then its a do-over, backspace, delete and try again. Life however does not have a delete button and there certainly aren’t any delete buttons around for my list of things to do. Instead, my list repeats itself in my mind as I pass by the laundry pile that is now Mt. Laundry. There is not delete button for the snippy tone I used with my kids this morning, racing out the door to get everyone to school. 

I don’t recall a delete button for the dishes piled in the sink, the dust settling in the corners of my home, nor was there a delete button for all the pounds I’ve gained over Christmas break. Nor is there a delete button for misbehaving kids, tantrums in the middle of Target, over-committing one’s self and setting high expectations. 

Jill Savage diagnoses my issues as the Perfection Infection and I think she’s on to something here. In here new book, No More Perfect Mom’s,  I am struck with the reality of what is and that perfection is not. Tell me if you are possibly sick with the same virus.

  • Messy house? Check.
  • Feeling like a failure because messy house doesn’t look like a magazine. Check. Check. 
  • Special needs child. Check.
  • Feeling like a failure because you must’ve done something to make her a special needs child. Check. 
  • You’re child misbehaved at school and punched another kid. Check.
  • You’re wondering why other mom’s kids are so good and what went wrong with yours? Check Check. 
  • You’re hitting the Mc’D lane again, while those Pintrest meal ideas are flashing in brain? Check.
  • You’re a ministry leader  and a mom. Check.
  • You limp out of those meetings feeling like a failure because it didn’t go as planned. Check.

Good! Then you and I are in the same boat. While we can’t delete these things, we can move forward and create a new perspective. With a simple stroke of my fingers, I can create a new mindset and I’ve got just the community and book to help you and I do it. Together you and I can take her month long challenge to find freedom being you, being me. You can sign up here.

email_challenge_header

Jill Savage addresses the Perfection Infection in her new book, No More Perfect Moms. Over these next couple of weeks as I read and review, I will be giving you my thoughts on her book and how it’s helping me in all things motherhood. As much as I’d rather have a delete key, having a community of moms willing to put the mommy wars and mommy comparisons aside makes the delete button needed less. 

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Stop by tomorrow as I give my thoughts about no more perfect moms (aka ME). 

 

 

 

 

Filed Under: No More Perfect Moms Tagged With: Encouragement, I'm not perfect, Jill Savage, Motherhood, No More Perfect Moms, No More Perfect Moms Launch Team 3 Comments

The Monday After Sandy Hook & A Christmas Story

December 17, 2012 By Heather

The Monday After Sandy Hook & A Christmas Story

I found this poem floating around Facebook, written by Cameo Smith. It has been shared more than 88,000 times and is so fitting as the days lead up to Christ’s birth. 

twas’ 11 days before Christmas, around 9:38
when 20 beautiful children stormed through heaven’s gate.
their smiles were contagious, their laughter filled the air.
they could hardly believe all the beauty they saw there.
they were filled with such joy, they didn’t know what to say.

they remembered nothing of what had happened earlier that day.
“where are we?” asked a little girl, as quiet as a mouse.
“this is heaven.” declared a small boy. “we’re spending Christmas at God’s house.”
when what to their wondering eyes did appear,
but Jesus, their savior, the children gathered near.
He looked at them and smiled, and they smiled just the same.
then He opened His arms and He called them by name.
and in that moment was joy, that only heaven can bring
those children all flew into the arms of their King
and as they lingered in the warmth of His embrace,
one small girl turned and looked at Jesus’ face.
and as if He could read all the questions she had
He gently whispered to her, “I’ll take care of mom and dad.”
then He looked down on earth, the world far below
He saw all of the hurt, the sorrow, and woe
then He closed His eyes and He outstretched His hand,
“Let My power and presence re-enter this land!”
“may this country be delivered from the hands of fools”
“I’m taking back my nation. I’m taking back my schools!”
then He and the children stood up without a sound.
“come now my children, let me show you around.”
excitement filled the space, some skipped and some ran.
all displaying enthusiasm that only a small child can.
and i heard Him proclaim as He walked out of sight,
“in the midst of this darkness, I AM STILL THE LIGHT.”Written by Cameo Smith, Mt. Wolf, PA

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The Monday After Sandy Hook, Did Her Kids Go to School this Morning? 

There it is–Reality. Elijah’s little blue camo backpack and Cheyenne’s vibrant colored backpack and boots are sitting side by side in their respective places. My kids’ clothes laid out for Monday’s events and I stare at the front door. Tomorrow I’ll send them to school. I’ll send them off to a place out of my arms, out of my reach and fear seizes my heart while my mind begins to rationalize.  “It won’t happen here, what are the chances?”

And tonight I’ll be doing what every mom  is doing, getting my kids ready for school, surrendering my heart to fully trust God to keep my babies safe. I’m sure every other mom in America is going through the same thing, signing notes, checking planners, prepping lunches and setting their children’s things by the door. Each mom questioning what tomorrow holds, battling fear and wondering if there will be a copycat shooting of Sandy Hook at their child’s school.

The moments left of feeling safe and having my children in arm’s reach are slowing ticking away, melting away into the morning—into the Monday after Sandy Hook.

I want to defy routine, forget the value of friendship, playground adventure and education, I want to lock the doors and keep my babies home. But I can’t—it would actually do my children more harm than good. So I move forward with one direction in mind, to look fear in the eye and trust. I will trust my children will be safe. I will trust my children’s teachers to hold my children even closer under the hem of their wings, knowing how every mother’s heart will ache as the front door swings shut.

***At the  least my heart ebbed with fear as I kissed my kids goodbye with a smile on my face, reassuring they would be safe as they left my arms of protection this morning. 

Moms everywhere, what are you feeling? Are you sending your kids to school or have you decided to keep them home another day? Are you resolved to stare fear in the face? 

 

To read the rest, please visit Her View From Home. 

 

 

Filed Under: Encouragement, Faith, Real Life Issues Tagged With: CT Shooting, Encouragement, Every Mother's fear, Her View From Home, Sandy Hook, The Monday After, twas the night before Christmas, where was God, Where was Jesus Leave a Comment

Marriage, Sometimes it Takes Target Practice.

December 7, 2012 By Heather

 

The sun is setting, sending swirls of fiery gold across the sky. The wind is blowing, causing my hands to tremble under the weight of my weapon. Breathing out, I steady my hands and take aim. I hear my husband speak but I drown out his words and focus. Barely two seconds pass before my arrow hits the target with deadly accuracy. In triumph a smile spreads across my lips as I turn and wink at my husband.

“Beat that, cowboy,” I smirk stepping back so my husband can take his turn as he slaps my on the rear and takes position.

We are an archery family. We also have a hobby of shooting guns, in fact our 13-year-old took 2nd place in 4-H. I’ve always loved it and is one of the many fond memories I have growing up with my dad before my parents divorced. There is something about loosening an arrow that satisfies a fire within my spirit. The same goes after I hear my bullet hit the target mixed with the smell of bullet powder in the same moment. It calms everything on the surface and creates clarity out of the tension, to-do lists, and daily chaos of life. Maybe, I’m slightly off my rocker here, but it saved my marriage.

Years ago when my husband and I were barely speaking, the thought of separating came up time and again.  Overnight my husband and I went from being high school sweet hearts to a married couple expecting our first child; neither of us had a chance to find ourselves–much less grow up. We would come out to Cottonmill and practice with his bow. It was the one activity we could enjoy. Instead of becoming each other’s targets with resentment and misplaced feelings, the bullseye united us on the forefront as our common enemy. There–we shot our arrows of frustration and anger. And believe me we had a lot of frustrations.

The friction of trying to mesh our lives together and grow into ourselves constantly pulled at the seams of “us.” But on the target field, we were on common ground. As the years passed by, Chris and I grew up, we created a life together, standing side by side. Making a marriage successful is hard work, and I for one, am so thankful we didn’t give up on each other. Sadly, I know so many couples whose marriages fall apart after children come along.

Often we would pray to be the best parents for our daughter and to understand each other, even when we felt like we were living with a complete stranger.There were days when I found myself praying not to throttle my husband many times too.

And while I say that a successful marriage is an accumulation of the simple things, I’m always reminded you have to do the simple things each and every day of your lives together to make it work, even if it means taking aim–together.

Via–Her View From Home

 

Filed Under: Communication, Datenight, Marriage Tagged With: Encouragement, Faith, marriage, what it takes to make a marriage work 2 Comments

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