Life in the world of me has turned upside down and inside out these days. In the early hours of the morning when sleep is gone from me, I quietly pace the cold wood floors holding my cup of tea and staring out the window.
The voices rage so loudly in my head,
“Did you really do the right thing? Business is taking off for them and you have nothing to show for it.”
“Do you really think someone could actually be your friend after you fell flat on your face in front of your team? They can’t stand you.”
“You aren’t a good mom, you spend way too much time organizing the Tupperware and trying to write the next bestseller.”
I squeeze my eyes shut–tight and whisper to no one but myself, “God loves me and that is all that matters.”
Ladies, I am so tired of hearing about the mommy wars because the reality is this–the war is raging inside our hearts and minds. Day after day goes by and we fumble through this crazy journey called life and wonder if we won’t need therapy after our brief stint in the motherhood.
And this past week, I got to spend a few precious moments with someone so sparkley and shiny–most of you would drop your jaw. Beth Moore.
Beth was invited to speak at MOMCON2013 and it was a moment I won’t soon forget. She talked of her struggles with sin, her fear of failure and of motherhood. And what stuck out the most was her a statement during our conversation together.
(thought you might want proof–blurry photo and all)
And when the moment came to talk with Beth, she signed my book and closed her eyes–inhaling deeply before opening them. When she opened them, she looked at me and stated quietly,
“Heather, seek Jesus far deeper than your calling. He alone has the answers.”
When my sin or my struggles get the best of me-like these early morning hours, it’s because I haven’t sought after The One who can shut the mouths of liars. I haven’t sought after the one who can handle being in control. I haven’t sought after the only approval I need.
And I wonder if you do the same.
When you feel like the worse mom on the planet, did you have a chance to chat with Jesus? As your head hits the pillow at night and guilt overrides your heart about the things you stated to your husband, did you seek Him before you opened your mouth?
It’s something I’ve put into practice since MOMCON and slowly the mommy war is being won battle by battle as those words roar in my heart. Seek Jesus.
Before I discipline my son in irritation SEEK JESUS
Before I tell my teen she can’t go somewhere out of fear SEEK JESUS
Before I mindlessly eat another plateful of comfort food SEEK JESUS
When the voices rage about my failures SEEK JESUS
Little mama, what ever battle you’re facing, remember God already won the war. Seek him first.