To Open Up

As I wandered from room to room, feeling the cool breeze on my skin, I realized marriage sometimes feels like this house. Familiar, comfortable, yet tight and wholly uncomfortable. And the very idea of opening a door to my husband feels like a vulnerable and risky move. Keeping the storm windows shut feels like a much safer venture. Especially after a fight or misunderstanding or hurt feelings. Keeping everything sealed feels much softer. During times of conflict our hearts close up, it curls itself into a tight ball. A closed heart is stuffed with selfishness, faulty assumptions, and judgement.

Of Fig Leaves, Christmas Letters and The Mafia

What if you and I could focus on the meaning of this time of year instead of the shame we carry over the mistakes and mishaps our family has encountered. As moms, it’s our jobs to make our family look good. As moms, we’re the ones who sway others with our stories and words. And we’ve lost the ability to be real, to share our hurts and joy. Somehow we’ve lost our identity and we face the shame our families aren’t perfect.