Heather Riggleman

Living Bold Truths through Raw Faith.

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Exhale: From Trauma to Transformation

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My toes curled into the sand as the waves hit my calves. The icy feeling rushing over me wasn’t just the cold water – it was the trauma that took place the last time we were here. And, yet we were back again determined to make new memories to replace where all our nightmares began.

Last year, during a camping trip, Chris woke me in the middle of the night with ashen skin and wild eyes. Convinced it was a heart attack, I dragged my 38-year-old husband to the truck. I tucked our kids into the back seat and raced over 100 miles an hour to the nearest hospital. His heart went into V-Tach racing over 300 beats a minute. The ER team did everything they could to slow his heart until there was nothing left but to shock his heart back into a normal rhythm.

Thus began a year’s worth of revolving doors at various hospitals, and trauma to my own heart and soul. I replayed the seconds between witnessing his heart being shocked and waiting for his heart to show any signs of life.

Worry whirred through my soul like the wings of a hummingbird: How’s his heart this evening? It’s beating too fast – from here, the hospital is 8 minutes away. Is Pauline busy? I may need her to watch the kids. What happens if he doesn’t make it? What happens if God calls him home? Where’s the life insurance policy? How do I do life without him?

This was my reality for a year until four weeks ago. Chris underwent surgery for a defibrillator/ pacemaker. I didn’t realize the weight of this year of uncertainty until it was lifted from my shoulders. It’s both glorious and frustrating because healing from trauma is no easy task.

Why is healing from trauma so difficult? Traumatic events are those experiences that are perceived to be threats to our safety or stability and cause physical, emotional and psychological stress or harm.

Trauma presents a unique version of suffering – the kind that overwhelms any soul to cope. The memory from a trauma wound is so deep that it may never heal. Trauma happens in the past but declares itself in the present, taking us captive.

Trauma hits all of us in some way because we live in this fallen world – whether it’s something in the news like terrorist attacks, disasters, or more personal, like abuse or even the death of a loved one.

Trauma happens to all of us but it’s our reaction that matters. We can either re-live that moment of fear or we can move forward. We must be willing to fight for our healing. We must be willing to unlearn. To unravel what was and learn what is. The battle is fought one breath, one minute, one day trip to the beach, one camping trip, and one moment at a time with Jesus at our side. In fact, he’s familiar with the anxiety, fear and pain of trauma. He faced it when he faced the cross. He’s promised to be there for us in our time of need and he’s promised to heal us.

Our stories don’t have to end with the trauma we’ve suffered; we have a chance to begin again. We have everything we need to exhale and move forward.

The setting sun refracted light off the water like thousands of broken mirrors. There I stood and took in the view, including the angry pink of Chris’ surgery scar, and I felt a gentle leaning into my soul. It was God and he was whispering. “It’s okay Heather. You do not have to be afraid anymore. It’s okay to let go. I’ve got this moment. I’ve got him and I have you.”

Then I caught my husband’s eyes. We both smiled and breathed deeply.

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10

This piece originally appeared on Elisa Morgan’s Blog.

Connect with me on Instagram.

7 Beautiful Things About Boring Marriages

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My friends and I stood in the check-out line where our eyes were assailed with various tips about ways to spice up relationships. Headlines like, “9 Types of Sex to Reignite Your Marriage,” or “How to Save Your Marriage by Having an Open Marriage.”

I picked up one of the magazines belly-laughing over one of the tips. In fact, I laughed so hard I nearly peed my pants (as all mothers do). Perplexed by my behavior, my friends asked what was so funny about the headlines.

“Thank God my marriage is so boring and ordinary,” I said between fits of laughter. I was officially obligated to explain to my them how I managed to be married for 20 years. “What is so great about a boring marriage?” they asked. I imagine you may be asking yourself the same question.

Boring is beautiful. Boring is ordinary. While my husband hasn’t chased me down in an airport to profess his undying love for me or shown up at my door in a limo prepared to fly me away from reality, he has walked with me hand in hand thousands of times around the sun. He’s gone to Wal-Mart at Mid-night for milk. He’s helped clean up puke and put money into savings instead towards his dream boat.

Chris and I met in high school. We sat next to each other in home economics and started dating when I was 15. We got married two weeks after my 18th birthday and it still feels like it was yesterday.

We work 8 to 5, raise three kids together, we talk about what we’re planning for dinner, or if we’re going to meet at the gym. Once we get through the typical night of dinner, kids, chores, and the bedtime routine, we find ourselves going for a walk talking about anything and everything. This boring, unremarkable love spends Friday nights at one of three places in our small-town community, dancing to an indie band, watching movies with our kids, or eating sushi at one of our favorite places. It’s always one of the three or sometimes all three.

Whether I’m dressed to the nines in a little black dress or wearing a sports bra with no makeup, I won’t find myself crying, hurt, or insecure because I don’t have to worry catching his eyes traveling over another woman’s body. Sadly enough, many couples who end their marriage do so because one of the partners “got bored.”

Our culture is saturated with the message that marriages need to spiced up, kinky, or full of drama. Watch any movie that has a relationship plot. We’re force fed to believe that unless our relationships are filled with action, intense passion and drama like the movies Titanic, 27 Dresses, How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, etc. then we must do something to save it before it ends in divorce.

Or maybe you feel stuck in a boring marriage. The mundane day in and day out eats at you and you aren’t sure what to do about it. When your marriage hits the boredom rut, remember to keep choosing your spouse, keep turning to him. Why? Because Christ sees you. He knows you and he keeps choosing you.

Maybe you got caught in in the big moments of dating, the wedding day, the honeymoon, buying the new home and having your first child. These moments are fresh in our memories and we base our future from them. It’s easy to get swept up in the feelings and memories but Paul reminds us of our identity. We were not just chosen by our spouse; we were chosen by God first. He loved us first.

 Marriage isn’t about the big moments but the moments in between, the day to day. It’s the boring moments in between that make a break a marriage. It boils down to perspective.

Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Colossians 3:12-17

Here are seven reasons why boring marriages are beautiful:

1. There’s always an opportunity to serve

Nowhere in the vows do I recall saying yes to 18 loads of laundry and scrubbing toilets. Nor do I recall saying yes to the pain of bearing my husband’s children, much less the chore of changing diapers. And I’m pretty sure he doesn’t remember saying yes to cooking meals, grocery shopping, or fixing the vacuum when he’s had a long day.

But that’s the great thing about boring marriages, there’s nothing sexy about chores unless you’re doing them together because you’re doing it for each other. It’s the most ordinary but powerful way to say you love your spouse.

2. Security

How great is it that you don’t have to worry about piling on the make up or making sure you have enough money for reservations at that five-star restaurant? Most people marry for love but ultimately because they feel accepted and secure. Security in a marriage means your spouse feels like home. You know every nook and cranny of their personality, which creaky floorboards to avoid and how to keep the thermostat at a comfortable temperature.

Consider the fact that the Bible is full of marriages that were less than secure (King David and his wife Michal, Bathsheba, Abigail plus a few concubines. Hosea was instructed by God to marry Gomer, a prostitute. Then there’s Esther. She had to gamble with her life just to make an announced appearance before her king and husband). Security is a blessing.

3. Contentment

There’s a myth that contentment breeds complacency. Quite the contrary in marriage. Contentment breeds satisfaction. The steadiness of a boring marriage invites both partners to create clear expectations as well as steady ground to grow together in those expectations. We aren’t chasing after people, places, things, degrees or other accolades. 

Give me flag football practice and excel sheets planning our future instead of a whirlwind of courtships and high drama movie endings. Give me slow and steady. Give me Saturday projects and Sunday morning dressed in our best.

4. Stability

I was so excited to find my orchid budding that I texted a picture to my husband. It took months of slow and steady nurturing to get it to grow. Unlike other plants that seem to bloom over night or grow quickly for a season, orchids thrive in stable care in order to grow. Marriages are like orchids. They need a good temperature, nurturing, plenty of water and sunlight. It takes stability!

A stable marriage has been known to improve your sleep, your health, lower stress levels, less issues with mental health and to increase the longevity of your life. No one gets married hoping to have a rocky marriage where the day to day routine is unpredictable, whether or not vows will be honored or whether or not their spouse really loves them. Stability translates to routine and that allows room for growth individually and separately.

5. Sensitivity

Brene Brown once said, “What makes you vulnerable makes you beautiful.” The ability to be vulnerable is often the bedrock of a marriage. Ordinary moments allow for growth and a chance for couples to connect and be vulnerable. Opening your heart and sharing your tender places with your spouse creates real intimacy and connection. It removes uncertainty and secrets.

A boring marriage is the most natural place to share your true and deep feelings.

6. The Sex is Better

One evening I handed the keys to my Traverse to my husband. He couldn’t get it to start and was perplexed. Immediately I knew what was wrong and helped him. “Oh, you have to jiggle the key up a notch and turn the steering wheel all the way to the right.”

Familiarity is very much a strength regardless of what our society tells us. We are well acquainted with our spouse’ body. We know it like our own skin. That knowledge has power. The deeper knowledge we have about our partners when it comes to intimacy, the better we can stimulate them on a sensual, intellectual, emotional and spiritual level.

7. Friendship

A recent study says you should marry your best friend because you will be happier. The research, which comes from the National Bureau of Economic Research in Canada, used data from the Gallup World Poll, the British Household Panel Survey, and the United Kingdom’s Annual Population. Researchers found that those who considered their spouse their best friend had higher levels of joy.

If I have big news, whether it’s about something that happened at work or I need help deciding which pair of new boots I want to buy—I don’t face-time my closest girl friend Lizzie, I call my husband. He’s my best friend. He knows what clothes look good on me, or what makes me feel better when I’m sick. He can finish my sentences. He knows simply by looking at me across a crowded dinner party when it’s time for him to make an excuse so we can say good-night. He knows what words are forbidden from our household because the sound of them irritate me.

We have inside jokes that no one gets but will send each other into fits of laughter. I know everything about him too. We know everything about each other, likes, dislikes, and it creates a platonic relationship where joy is found.

This piece originally appeared on Crosswalk.

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How to completely lose your mind and damage your marriage

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Love is one of the most scandalous words ever created for man kind. It is abused, misrepresented and filled with huge expectations. 

It can build a person up or tear a person down. When you expect love to fill your broken places, it’s the wrong kind of love cemented in insecurity. 

It’s been known to cause wars, I would know because like the song Battleships by Daughtry, (I’m kinda, sorta a huge fan), 2017 had been filled with landmines and battles. My husband and I called for a cease fire through counseling and sitting in our pastor’s office.

For 18 years love had filled my sense of self worth–until it didn’t.

Our vow renewal in 2015. A real wedding with a real wedding dress.

Our issues started in late July, defined by a one act which also shed light on skeletons long hidden and shared with brutal honesty.

Love had left me with skinned knees, bloody hands and broken trust. Love left me feeling like I wasn’t enough.  Love left me contemplating divorce.  It also gave way to intense insecurity. 

And that’s the thing, insecurity will kill love. It will come in like a Trogen horse, destroy everything in its wake and leave you with P.T.S.D.

One such moment revealed that I was walking wounded which I affectionately title:  “How to completely lose your mind and damage your marriage.” 

With my husband’s permission I get to embarrass myself. 

How I completely lost my mind. 

Bullets were flying from both of our mouths before it was time to go to our Bible Study groups.

After Chris left, insecurity gnawed on my heart like a rabid dog and that’s when I saw his Bible study book”Every Man’s Battle” on the book shelf.

Like any loving wife, I set out on a sleuthing mission (a.k.a stalking) to ensure he was indeed at his study group at church. A phone call or text never crossed my mind, so I cruised through the parking lot, slouched down in my seat just in case anyone saw me. After the fourth round, his truck was no where to be found when I remembered we share our locations with each other. Following Siri’s directions, I was led to a lovely cul-de-sac with his truck in the drive way. In fact, it was the only vehicle parked in the driveway.

Here in our small town, you can tell which house is hosting a church group by all the cars taking up space on the streets which is why I was convinced our marriage was over.

When he came home, I confronted him. “Why weren’t you at small group?”

“I’m confused, I was at small group.”

“No you weren’t (insert expletives). Your book (insert more expletives) was on the bookshelf,” I snarled as I held up his book. Before he could say anything else, I informed him of my stalking  detective work. 

He waved the white flag and asked me to drive him to the house where I had “found” him and that’s when I realized my facts didn’t stack up.

The truck was gone but I still had a photo of his “location.” He let me rant before he unraveled the rest of my detective work.

“The group was moved to the leader’s house. Mike gave me another book because he didn’t know I had one. Now let me show you something, drive to 34th street.”

We cruised by the house where his Bible Study had taken place and that’s when I realized the GPS had been about 300 feet off of his exact location. In fact, the house where I “found” his truck shared a fence line with his house he was actually at. He then pulled the other copy of his book out of his jacket. 

In my defense, what are the chances of two identical books, two identical trucks, a shared fence line and inaccurate GPS?

Just saying…it was a lesson well learned and one I won’t soon forget.

I learned right then, the enemy will turn up the heat and play on our insecurities and weaknesses. Especially when you’re working hard to build a love built on God’s foundation instead of your own. 

 My new mantra goes something like this: “Love is patient, kind, trustworthy, not self seeking. It does not dishonor others nor is it easily angered. It rejoices in truth, it always trusts and hopes and perseveres. It never fails.” (1 Corinthians 13:4-8, paraphrased.)

So here’s what I learned:

  1. Do not let insecurity reign. I can’t say this enough.  Insecurity is a form of fear and it’s defined as feeling insignificant, a lack of confidence or a powerful fear of rejection. Who you believe has the greatest power in your life will determine who you are. Always remember the greatest power you live for is the Lord your God.
  2. Bind up your wounds. Sometimes you have to shove aside what you see in front of you to find the root cause. Look for a common denominator of your issues. What are your destructive behaviors and tendencies? Another’s actions are not the issue, it’s your unhealed wounds. Insecurity was an infected, open wound because I never prayed for healing.
  3. Prayer is vital. Prayer creates humility, intimacy and full dependence on God. It allows us to put ourselves in his hands to build trust and growth in ourselves, marriage included.
  4. Do not trust GPS. Trust God, he’s more accurate anyway. Stalking can land you in jail.  Instead lean on the trust you have in God. Stand on his word filled with promises.  Then trust God will work all things for your good. He is faithful, dependent and solid.
  5. Assumptions are the mother of all mess ups. Need I say more?

Chris and I can laugh about the moment now and can I just say, “Thank you God for making me a writer instead of a detective?”  I’d probably land in jail or get fired.

31 Ways to Pray for Your Husband (Printable Calendar)

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So far this week, we’ve created and covered ways to be intentional about praying for our kids (click here for the calendars) and we’ve discussed how I use SOAP (click here for a SOAP Journal Page).  And today, I’m laying my heart bare about marriage–my marriage. 

Us Against the World 

Nothing has been harder than this year– than this moment in marriage. When Chris and I were teenagers, it was us against the world, after all we were teen parents.  So when rent came due and we couldn’t pay–it was no big deal–we still had each other. We would lay together, arm in arm and dream about the future. 

We made it to the future–two more kids, a little yellow house with red brick trim around the front door. An eight foot wooden picnic table in the front yard. Two little lap dogs whom welcome us home and give us  headaches. 

I stayed home and raised our babies–to kids–tall, blond and lean.  Together we faced miscarriages, autism, and nearly losing our first home. 

We’ve Grown Up

Nearly 15 years later, we’ve grown up. We’ve changed. Somewhere along the way, God surgically cut our hearts from one to two. And the tie that binds us back together is our faith in God. It’s not wrong, it’s just different. Suddenly, it’s like trying to find our way in the dark, blindfolded. But I know we have a great future and so many things, memories, experiences left to discover together. 

So my prayers for my husband are different. My prayers aren’t “Lord, bless my sweet husband today…” It’s more like, “Lord, I don’t know where to go from here. I don’t know how to encourage him or support him. I can’t see the future–please God…You haven’t failed us before. Help me to pray the right words to encourage, equip and cheer him on–whatever the future may be.”

Prayers lately come to me in songs and this year, the song for my husband, for our marriage, for. our. future: Sidewalk Prophets, Help Me Find It. Sometimes in the quiet moments when there are no words, the melody of a song becomes my prayer and it made me realize how often I need to pray for Chris. Below is the prayer calendar I crafted around his needs and our struggles. It is my prayer that it will bless your marriage or your future marriage. 

My Call–My Heart’s Desire 

My prayer calendar for Chris is based on Matthew 7:13-14 

 “Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. 14 But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.” 

And finally, here is a calendar for your husband: 31 Ways to Pray for your husband.  (be sure to click landscape when printing). 

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And if you want to pray specifically for your man based on needs or a scripture verse like I did, here is a blank one! Blank prayer calendar 

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No Really, Date Nights MAKE You a Better Parent (includes 102 date night ideas from The Mom Initiative)

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Ugh.

It’s Friday afternoon, the week has been BRUTAL–as in no breaks, extra pressure, unexpected deadlines, disasters, concerned emails and phone calls from teachers, and kids who seemed to have turned into wolves; and then my phone chirps. A text reminding me this evening is Date Night. Just to be sure, I check the family wall calendar. Sure enough and I think, “Oh for the love of God, not another thing!”  It meant more work, shaving my legs, feeding the kids supper ahead of time and ignoring my long LONG “to do” list.  

date nght

I felt sapped of energy, the idea of trying to emotionally connect with my husband on top of shaving my armpits made me want to crawl back under my pillows. As I laid there in my misery, a recap of this week flashed in my mind. The last scene to stood out as I  was me staring at my husband in his My Wife Rocks T-Shirt talking to a room full of moms. We had been guest speakers at a MOPS group where my husband bravely waded through the estrogen to share his take on what makes a good marriage when Chris stated, “Not only does a good marriage include frequent check ups, togetherness, and date nights but it also makes good parents.”

I wanted to be a good parent. I wanted my children and my husband to know marriage comes first, right?

SIGH!

Pushing back my bangs, I began planning this evenings meager date night. A pit stop at Panera Bread with the idea of cruising around town eating our favorite dessert or  going grocery shopping …or not. And that also meant shaving…

Four Reasons Why Parents Should Date

Putting your marriage first does make you a better parent. Why is date night so important to parents? We all have different reasons. That’s because no two parents are alike. There is one thing all parents have in common, though. They’re human beings. Everyone needs a break now and then. All work and no play makes Mom and Dad pretty dull. Even parents deserve a little down time. 

Here’s your date night pep talk and reasons why it actually makes you a better parent. 

Mom and Dad came first. I’m still not sure if it’s the chicken or the egg, but I think I’m safe to answer that we all started off as a couple first before the little one(s) showed up. Today’s world is filled with too many couples divorcing because (1) they are not emotionally invested anymore or because (2) the relationship centered around the kids who are now on their own and there is nothing in common for the couple. 

Remind yourself and your kids, marriage comes first. 

Mom and Dad have a relationship too. That’s right, you had a relationship outside of your kiddos and date nights give you a chance to socialize without interruptions, tantrums, epic stories about weird teachers, or discussing the ‘to do’ list. The better a mom and dad’s relationship is, the better more effective your parenting skills are. You are able to present a united front. You can’t be one the same page unless you’ve had a chance to visit about that page. 

Reminds you why you’re doing the parenting thing. Date night allows you and your spouse to get out of sweatpants to dress up. It gives you both a chance to look like real people again, you can look like the person your spouse fell in love with; when four a.m. rolls around, you’ll more likely have a grin on your face as you put baby back to bed because your heart’s be refueled. 

Date Night keeps the romance from burning out. Now that you’re both dressed up and looking like real people, you have the chance to talk and remember who it is you fell in love with. Your husband isn’t just the bread winner and disciplinarian, nor is he the guy that shouts from the living room during a touchdown, nor are you the chef, lunch maker, laundry folder and bottle warmer. Remind each other who you are and take every opportunity to be romantic on your date. 

Still aren’t sure about date night? I love this quote from Women Living Well. 

Here’s how I see it.  A good marriage is like an ice cream sundae.  The ice cream, hot fudge and whipped cream are your love, respect, communication, intimacy, communion with God, laughter, winks, prayer, tender kisses hello and goodbye, day in and day out forgiveness and faithfulness. 

A date night – is the cherry on top!  Must you have a cherry on top of a sundae to have a great sundae?  I suppose it’s all in your perspective.  Some women might focus on the cherry that is missing and completely miss out on the winks, tender kisses, intimacy and myriad of other things that go into a great marriage on a daily basis!   ~Women Living Well

And if you have a meager budget or crazy schedules or haven’t the slightest clue what constitutes as a date, here is my post 102 Date Night Ideas from The Mom Initiative. Head over to The Mom Initiative for a printable list. 

 

102 Date Night Ideas

The focus of any date is to reconnect with your spouse, keep it simple! 

Datenight

  1. Netflix night—watch movies or your favorite TV series on Netflix when the kids are in bed. Plan a movie marathon night. Order take out or make the perfect movie meal.
  2. Stargazing in the backyard.
  3. Bubble bath with glow sticks (trust me, the glow sticks are worth it and your husband will LOVE seeing the soft glow against your skin). :-)
  4. Board games: Monopoly, Twister, etc.
  5. Fondu—what can go wrong with chocolate?
  6. Camping indoors—complete with sleeping bags, tent, and a string of Christmas lights along with your favorite snacks.
  7. Picnic indoors.
  8. Picnic at your favorite park or in the backyard during lunch breaks if your schedules match up.
  9. Sushi night— Plan a take out night with your favorite food and eat it in bed.
  10. Do a crossword puzzles together.
  11. Go for a walk or jog. Because of my husband’s knee issues, he either rides his bike or one of our kids’ scooters.
  12. Go for a bike ride and watch the sunrise or sunset.
  13. Go fishing at sunset. Pack some sandwiches and chairs.
  14. Give each other back rubs or foot massages with warming gel.
  15. Visit a local winery for an afternoon or evening filled with taste testing wine while snacking on cheese and other complimentary snacks.
  16. Create a gourmet meal. This is one of our favorite nights. My husband can make anything taste like it came from a five star restaurant—even refried beans. Make sure to grab the candles and eat by candle light or by the fire place.
  17. Homemade pretzels. Here are the recipes: Vegan Soft Bites & Soft Pretzels. 
  18. Make homemade taffy. The pulling is a lot of fun. Old Time Taffy Recipe
  19. Go rock climbing. Make it challenge and whoever loses has to give a back rub.Try a new exercise DVD together at home.
  20. Dress up and visit open houses at homes for sale in your area. Chat about whether or not you like the back splash. 
  21. Midnight nacho run. If you have older kids, this one is so much fun.
  22. Have a facial night. Try making homemade facials. Believe it or not, some guys go for this, especially if it means he might see you naked. Facial Recipes
  23. Weekend alone in your home. Drop the kids off for an overnight at their friends’ homes or at grandmas.
  24. Morning or evening devotions together.
  25. Be a tourist in your own city. Look for travel guides and visit local attractions. Remember to take pictures.
  26. Facebook Romance. Often when I’m at work, Chris will send the lines of songs to romance me in private messages. You can also Facebook each other at home.
  27. Youtube Dancing. Learn your favorite dance at home. (Lift from the movie Dirty Dancing). 
  28. Play Video Games.
  29. Card Games with stripping. :-)
  30. Take a shower together.
  31. Flea Market Browsing. I love this one; it often sparks my husband’s carpenter skills.
  32. Attend a college sports game, grab his favorite snack like popcorn or hotdogs.
  33. Create a drive in night. Grab your computer and watch movies in the car with your favorite snacks and cozy blankets. (DO NOT TURN ON YOUR CAR).
  34. Do activities at your local fun center: bowling, ice skating, horse shoe, or roller-skating.
  35. Play games together at the arcade.
  36. Go to the gym together. Many gyms have passes for trying the gym for the first time.
  37. Rocking climbing or try a new exercise together. Make it challenge and whoever loses has to give a back rub.
  38. Try a new exercise DVD together at home.
  39. Dress up and visit open houses at homes for sale in your area.
  40. Play Frisbee golf at the park.
  41. Play Frisbee golf in the backyard with laundry baskets after the kids are in bed.
  42. Do a home improvement project together.
  43. Make organizational projects to help with the clutter at home. DIY Pinterest Project. 
  44. Visit the local hardware store for ideas to remodel. You’ll get ideas for a new backsplash for the kitchen sink.
  45. Visit a furniture store, don’t forget the try the beds.
  46. Bake and decorate cookies together.
  47. Draw artsy portraits of each other with or without clothes.
  48. Take photos of each other for each other’s work desks.
  49. Create a memory book of your favorite dates for each of your kids. Include 10 building blocks you use for a good marriage.
  50. Wrap gifts while you watch your favorite holiday movie.
  51. Dessert night. Visit your favorite restaurant for dessert. Be sure to check the site for coupons.
  52. Dress up and order appetizers at a high end restaurant.
  53. Visit your local museums. Many are free or have times when you can visit for free.
  54. Attend a local concert in the park. Grab a blanket, chocolates and other snacks. Check your city’s community events.
  55. Go sledding without the kids, bring a mug of hot coca and share kisses in the car.
  56. Spend an afternoon picking fruit or vegetables at a local farm.
  57. Spend an evening planning a getaway trip and create a savings jar. Savings JAR DIY
  58. Take your guy to the gun range and learn how to shoot. Sounds like a strange date but it is a lot of fun.
  59. Plan a book review night. Read books like Love to Stay or Love and Respect.
  60. Hobby night. Your hobby may be knitting and his may be rocking the guitar, try teaching other.
  61. Hang out at the local library on a Saturday morning reading the newspapers or browsing for new books.
  62. Travel back in time. If you live close to where each other grew up, visit your childhood homes and neighborhoods. Grab a camera and take pictures of your grown up selves there.
  63. Eat breakfast, lunch, or dinner in bed, lock the kids out until you’re finished with the meal.
  64. Roast marshmallows and make s’mores over your backyard fire pit or your kitchen stove.
  65. Play hide and seekwith post it notes. Plan to ahead to leave clues all over the house where your hubby can find you. Consider spicing it up by wearing one of his t-shirts or a new night gown (make SURE the kids are asleep.)
  66. Learn a new card game together for two. Card Games for Two. 
  67. Catch fire flies. Seriously! It is a lot of fun.
  68. Go horseback riding. Often you can find horse ranches outside city limits. Google to find one in your area.
  69. Pick out flowers or vegetables to plant.
  70. Go to a Drive-In Theater together. Make or purchase your favorite snacks (let him pick the movie).
  71. Run through the sprinklers or hang out in the kiddie pool—without the kids.
  72. Circle Maker night. If you’ve read the circle maker, you and your spouse can write out goals and prayers for each other, for each child, and as a family.
  73. Visit your local bookstore and browse CD’s and books or people watch—our favorite.
  74. Walk to your local coffee shop and share a scone and coffee.
  75. Go to open Mic night at your local coffee shop.
  76. Go to the carnival and state fair. Embrace the cheesiness and purchase cotton candy to eat while cuddling on the Farris Wheel.
  77. Visit your local car dealer and let him test drive his dream car.
  78. Visit a chocolate or cookie factory or ice cream shop. If they offer tours, plan to go on one.
  79. Prep meals together. Google your area to see if there is a business where you can prep freeze ahead meals or pick a couple of recipes to do at home.
  80. Invite another couple over for dinner.
  81. Visit the zoo and take a slow walk, taking in God’s creation.
  82. Take a class together. Many community colleges offer community education programs. Try a cooking class or pottery.
  83. Take a CPR class and practice on each other at home.
  84. Window shop downtown or at the mall. Pick out a new sexy night gown or bra.
  85. Go hiking.
  86. Camp overnight at your local recreational park. Either camp in your car or a tent by the lake.
  87. Save some cash and stay the night at a bed and breakfast in your area.
  88. House Sit at a friend’s house together.
  89. Surprise your guy with tickets to his favorite major league sport.
  90. Go to a local high school or college game. Go your local school’s website and print out the season’s schedules to put on your fridge for last minute date nights.
  91. Watch a play together at the local high school or Community Theater.
  92. Hunt Garage Sales. Grab his favorite on the go breakfast and hunt for home improvement items, décor, or whatever else strikes your fancy.
  93. Rent a tandem bike. Pack a few sandwiches or snacks and work together to get moving.
  94. Stay the night at a local hotel. Plan ahead and visit the hotel’s site for good deals.
  95. Visit a planetarium. See the stars without braving the cold by getting tickets to the planetarium (for extra privacy for make out sessions, go during off seasons).
  96. Volunteer at a local shelter together or another area of interest like Habitat for Humanity.
  97. Go with him on a business trip or vice versa. He might be gone all day but you’ll have a cozy hotel room to cuddle when he gets back. Order room service.
  98. Sign up for a 5K or try something more challenging like the Warrior Dash www.warriordash.com. Train alone but also train together when your schedule’s allow.
  99. Go to a marriage retreat. This will take some planning and saving but it is SO worth it. Consider Family Life’s: Weekend to Remember.
  100. Dance in the kitchen. Load your Ipod with your favorite tunes and dance the night away.
  101. Go the dog park. If your man is a dog lover, he will love you for this one.
  102. Play Hooky. Send the kids to school and spend the day doing your favorite activity or stay in bed.

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