Welcome to the mother ‘hood’: Where you will forever be chasing how to be a better mom. Motherhood is a place where you have no control over anything. The time and day no longer matter. Your purse has officially become a dumpster fire. Showering is optional, coffee is not. Sleep will be nonexistent for the next 18 years, and everyone will have an opinion on how you handle the hood. You will repeat yourself a hundred times just to get shoes on. You will never get to pee alone again and now you get to cross your legs when you sneeze.
This should be the official welcome declaration that is read in the tone of the Miranda Rights to every new mother as she waddles to the bathroom in her hospital mesh underwear just after birth.
At some point you’ll lose yourself.
I know I did, deep in the trenches of motherhood, being a wife, being an employee and everything in between.
I even lost myself to an illness that blindsided me.
It’s been said that everybody wants to go to heaven but nobody wants to die. I’ve found the same to be true about marriage. Everybody wants to be married but no one wants to do the work. Having been married nearly 21 years I’m often asked how we make it work. Here’s the secret: Marriage isn’t…
Becoming a woman of bold faith is not about perfectly checked church attendance, how much you volunteer, having the best snacks for life groups or having all the answers in Bible study. A bold woman of faith has real, bold, Jesus-glorifying, heart-wrenching, deep-in-the-trenches and fight for God’s truths in the midst of the lies, kind of belief.
As I wandered from room to room, feeling the cool breeze on my skin, I realized marriage sometimes feels like this house. Familiar, comfortable, yet tight and wholly uncomfortable. And the very idea of opening a door to my husband feels like a vulnerable and risky move. Keeping the storm windows shut feels like a much safer venture. Especially after a fight or misunderstanding or hurt feelings. Keeping everything sealed feels much softer. During times of conflict our hearts close up, it curls itself into a tight ball. A closed heart is stuffed with selfishness, faulty assumptions, and judgement.
The setting sun refracted light off the water like thousands of broken mirrors. There I stood and took in the view, including the angry pink of Chris’ surgery scar, and I felt a gentle leaning into my soul. It was God and he was whispering. “It’s okay Heather. You do not have to be afraid anymore. It’s okay to let go. I’ve got this moment. I’ve got him and I have you.”