Dear Teenage Son: Be Patient While I Let Go

And I’m recognizing the signs. I’ve done this once before with your sister. She’s twenty-one now and on her own. Even back then, I wasn’t ready. And I thought it would be easier the second time around. But feels so new and fresh again. I can’t find my feet and I feel so wobbly. 

It’s time to let go and I’m not ready. But you are. That’s the way of motherhood. Letting go when we don’t want to. I know it’s time. I know you’re growing and becoming. 

And sometimes it’s hard for you but more for me; oh darling, hear me out. 

For years, I never wanted kids. I didn’t want to be tied down. I wanted to travel the world. I wanted to see the dreams in my heart come to life. I didn’t want to give up my freedom. But, then I dreamed about you. 

In the Middle of Your Un-fine Moments: What I Want My Kids to Know

But that’s the point isn’t it? Friendships are built on gritty, messy, imperfect everyday moments. Friendship like doesn’t happen overnight. And it reminds me what I tell my kids often, “The day you plant a seed is not the day you eat its fruit.” Friendship and community are like that. It’s built on a series of 1,000 little everyday moments, taking the time to invest in someone else. It’s built on answering the phone at 2 a.m. when you’re already exhausted from a teething toddler or a teen who missed curfew. It’s built on showing up for 40th birthday parties, and Juice Plus events. 

To Open Up

As I wandered from room to room, feeling the cool breeze on my skin, I realized marriage sometimes feels like this house. Familiar, comfortable, yet tight and wholly uncomfortable. And the very idea of opening a door to my husband feels like a vulnerable and risky move. Keeping the storm windows shut feels like a much safer venture. Especially after a fight or misunderstanding or hurt feelings. Keeping everything sealed feels much softer. During times of conflict our hearts close up, it curls itself into a tight ball. A closed heart is stuffed with selfishness, faulty assumptions, and judgement.