Heather Riggleman

Living Bold Truths through Raw Faith.

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18 Summers

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She will be 18 in exactly in two weeks and this is her senior year. I used her love of coffee as leverage to get a quick shot of her with her siblings on the first official day of school. 

I bite my lip as she drives off and I’m left with just a photo — one right next to the last photo I took from the night before where Cheyenne is holding her newest cousin Tara Rose. Tara is only 6 months old and it hits me, the biggest challenge of my life is coming to a close. 18 years of raising this little girl with dark curls and hazel eyes.  

I look at Tara in her arms and I remember being 17 and pregnant and walking across the stage at my high school graduation. 

I remember feeling terrified of the detour to motherhood. 

Then I think of the day she came into the world. And sorts of memories follow. Each milestone for her was a moment of triumph for me. 

Her first steps.

The first day of school. 

The diagnosis of her being on the spectrum.

The day, weeks, and months following as she learned to embrace high functioning autism as a part of her life.

The first dance.

The first boyfriend.

Her first job as a barista. 

Her first prom.

And now she’s talking non-stop about getting her tattoo, a first I didn’t really expect. 🙂

The years ticked-tocked by and now I’m on the threshold of her senior year. I can feel the days coming to a close as I stare down the barrel of this school year.

Photography by my sweet friend, Catrina Gray of Simply Unique Images.

And I think to myself 18 years isn’t enough time. And then I think of all the ways she changed me. 

There were many days when I came up short. I remember the moments when I failed her as a mom. The moments when I cried at home wondering how much therapy she would need for the damage I caused because of my craziness. 

I remember watching other moms with their kids. Oh my, how it seemed how motherhood fit them, a like a duck taking to water, gliding through this thing called life. 

I remember the feeling of being way too much and then not enough all at the same time. More days than not, I fought the process of growing through grace because getting it perfect was more important.

I snap back to today at the chirp of my phone, it’s time to get the other kids to school and myself to work. I look in my rear view mirror and survey the fine lines forming around my eyes. I feel spent, yet whole as I remember a conversation Cheyenne and I had years ago when we first got her diagnosis of autism. 

“Stop comparing how you mom and be yourself. We aren’t like other families and that’s okay with me. You know how to take care of me. Only you can mother me the way I need it.” 

Wise words for a girl at the age of 11. Am I right? 

Photography by my sweet friend, Catrina Gray of Simply Unique Images.

Now days I don’t look for a better version of myself because I know the process, day by day, year by year–sometimes it takes 18 years to realize I’m not perfect but to embrace a truer version of who I’ve always been. A mother, a warrior, strong and loved. This is what 18 years has taught me.

Be the truest version of who God created you to be.

Trust him in the process.

Be that girl, that mama, today and always. 

 

 

The Best Laid Plans

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Blogger friends gather around me and breath deep. My site (Detour2Motherhood.com) died today–no back up. Nada. Zip. Zilch. 

Between the site for teenage moms, their mentors, counselors, teachers, parents, etc and all the walls I’ve hit with trying to get my manuscript done, this was the last straw. 

This mama sat down and cried after throwing a few things… but it is all in God’s timing right?

My vision is to reach the hearts of teenage moms, to empower them to embrace the messiness of motherhood while introducing them to the gentleman of their dreams–Jesus. Because if I can reach just one heart, she will change the next generation. 

The site is in the process of being rebuilt, but here is the link to the first post. Fresh, from my heart and a sneak peek at the book, Detour: Surviving (And Loving Life) as a Teenage Mom. 

http://detour2motherhood.com/detour/2014/07/best-laid-plans/

Catrina1

Teen Mom? Two Tips For You From Someone Who’s Been There.

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In less than a week, my oldest will turn 13. Being 30, it’s a little daunting to know that one of my offspring is almost half as old as I am. Each time her birthday rolls around, I’m reminded of how I became a mom. At 17, I found out I was pregnant.

How do you balance tests, friends and a growing belly? With shows like The Secret Life of the American Teenager, and MTV’s Teen Mom, teens are desensitized to the realities of sex. I know I was. It seemed like everyone around me was doing it. And I LOVED my boyfriend, so why not?

Most books I’ve seen on the market deal with the emotions and the details during pregnancy. To me the pregnancy was the easiest part, it was after that no one prepared me for? Have you been there? Suddenly you go from being a teen, worried about what to wear to school, flipping burgers at McD’s and now you wonder when you’ll get any sleep as your new baby fusses half the night?

I’ve been there. I promise it gets better. Your baby WILL sleep through the night. Relationships will get better or new ones will emerge and you do have a future–I promise. God has done SO much for me since I was 17.

So where do you go from here? How to you deal with a life unplanned? Its time to embrace a new direction. Here are a few things you can focus on now that you have a life with baby.

What’s Your Point Of View

Grandscape: Shelly Radic, author of the MOPS book: Momology combines the words “grand” and “scape” defining the word as:

The broadest view of life–those things seen and unseen; the past, present and future; both cosmic and earthly, mortal and immortal, infinite and enduring for all time.

I know its hard, I KNOW! What got my through sleepless nights, money troubles and dealing with my parents was looking at the bigger picture. It is SO easy to focus on the here and now, but if you can picture yourself and your child 3, 5, and even 10 years down the road, it makes those fussy nights so much easier to deal with. It won’t last forever I promise.

Think about what YOU want to do with your life? What steps are you taking now to reach them? Getting the grades required to pass your high school or college classes are important. When you look at the bigger picture, it isn’t as overwhelming. Soon you will be out of school, your child will sleep through the night and yes–each time you get up to tend to her cries is building a great relationship with her.

How To Deal with Unwanted Advice

Now that your child is here, chances are you’ve gotten so much unwanted advice, your ears hurt. Cheyenne wasn’t even a week old when I was sick of all the advice. As she grew so did the opinions and tips from others, I then deemed it Drive By Parenting–others telling me how I should raise my child.

I would try bottle feeding because my chest hurt so much; only to be scared into trying to nurse again. Here’s the scoop, God created you with just what you need to mother your child. No one else can mother your child the way you can. Meaning you have what it takes to soothe your child, you have what it takes to know what cry means what. It may seem daunting but its all about embracing your new self as a mother. Here’s some reponses for you to try that worked well for me and still do!

Thank you. I’ll keep that in mind the next time I need to try something different.

I appreciate your advice but I’m her mom and know what is best for her.

Thank you for telling me that but this is the way I prefer to do it.

The key is to be respectful and confident in your abilities when you respond.

As a teen mom, what advice are you looking for? What are your needs now? I would love to hear from you and chat.

Girls Week In Texas with MOPS

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Hey Little Mama! Will you be at the MOPS Convention in a day or two? I will be and I can’t wait. Here’s a sneak peek of what I’ll be doing and of course, you will get the full report when I get back. All my bags are packed and I’m ready to present a workshop about Teen MOPS, sign my book: Mama Needs a Time Out and to dive into this year’s theme to Take The Plunge.

This is where I will be staying! Nice diggs huh? The Gaylord Resort in Grapevine Texas.

 

What I’ll be doing in my spare time 🙂

 

Who I will be assisting and meeting!?! Christy Nockels.

 

This is Marla DeShong Alupoaicei, author, editor and Director at Leap of Faith Ministries. She is also MY editor! 🙂

 

 

Beth K. Vogt. Author of several books, including The Mommy Dairies and a good bookie friend. We’ll be having some girl time too!

And I’ll be hanging out with this chick too. This is Kathi Lipp, author of several books including my favorite The Marriage Project. 🙂

Of course, I have a few good friends coming to Convention from Kearney. It will be their first trip driving down. Stay tuned and I’ll post all the details when I get back! Oh and you can find these pictures and more at www.mops.org!

Every 26 Seconds

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       Every 26 seconds, a teen girl in the Amercia becomes pregnant, and 11 years ago, I was one of them…I’m familiar with the heartbreak and the struggle to break free from being a statistic. Without my husband (my boyfriend), and my strong desire to give my babies everything, I wouldn’t be where I am now; providing a stable home.
    Shows like 16 and Pregnant show the harsh realities of teen motherhood. It puts a glaring spot light of the epidemic affecting teens. The pressures and longings of sex versus love.  As I mentor teen moms through Teen Mops (Mothers of Preschoolers), I get know their background, their heartbreaks, and their dreams. There’s no difference in the desires they have for their kids versus any other mom minus the age. They want a better life for their child, and struggle to provide that while still growing up themselves. Each mom has a story and wants to leave a different legacy for their child. It’s up to us to provide support, resources, and Christ’s example to help them create a better life.

      Motherhood is supposed to be a season in which we can’t wait be feel our baby move, wear maternity clothes, drink in our babies smell, love on them, and enjoy the moments we spend with our baby. While we have our worries about getting enough sleep and if our husbands get to spend enough time with our children; my teens worry about how they are going to make it. They worry about making ends meet as they work one or more full time jobs, on top of going to school. They worry about meeting their educational requirements to get into college. They worry about whether or not they’ve worked enough hours at Walmart. Still being kids themselves, they feel guilty about missing their high school years and all the parties. The part they worry the most about is all the hours their children are in daycare. If that doesn’t seem stressful enough, they are still learning to navigate the waters of being a teenager, parenting, relationships, and dreams.     
    Each of my girls have one desire, for their surrounding community to know they are doing the best they can and they are good moms. Most of my girls have matured so much since they’ve given birth. They now see the tragic circumstances that brought them into early motherhood. Aware of the pattern of dysfunctions from their childhood; they are trying to create a new life for themselves and their child, while breaking the cycle.Each mom is in the process of using resources and parenting skills they have to create a better life. All of them want nothing more than to stay home with their child.  
       It’s up to us as a community to invest ourselves into teens before and after they become pregnant, preferably before. If we can pour ourselves into them, we can help them take a stand. To know they are worth waiting for in a world where sleeping with a cute boyfriend is the norm. Teen moms are coming from broken homes, as well as stable homes. They are looking to fill the gap their families are supposed to fill or somehow missed. Most girls have stories like mine. Without a father around and my mom working all the time, I felt insignificant, and in many ways not worthy of saving myself for marriage. When I started dating my boyfriend, I gave into the pressures of sex. It was something so grown up! By giving into my boyfriend, I thought he was showing me love in return. It was something physical and tangible that I could measure. Looking back I know my boyfriend would have loved me if I had chosen to wait. 11 years later we are still together, but keep in mind, we are one of the few rare couples that do and it hasn’t been easy. We’ve had to fight for every inch we’ve gained.
      Each day is a chance to make a new choice. Though small and seemingly insignificant, one choice builds on another. Combined these choices equal self sacrifice. Hopefully one day as I pour out my time and prayers for each mama, I pray each of them will reach their full potential as they step into the world of mothering.

www.herviewfromhome.com