First Comes Marriage, Then Comes Baby

Text message: I don’t know if I should go mom, I don’t want to drop Tori off and get Dad sick. I texted to my mother-in-law Friday morning. Chris and I were thrilled when Carolyn of My Bridge Radio called to give us a free package to the Weekend To Remember Marriage Retreat in Lincoln. We had wanted to go for years.

Of course, when I woke up that morning, my thoughts moved to packing and sending the kids off to grandma’s while I smiled, knowing I would be picking my husband up from the airport and and spending time with him A.L.O.N.E. all weekend. As I shuffled out of my room to wake up the kids, the smell of spew and pooh invaded my nostrils. Gross, I know, you should have been here!

I opened the door to Tori’s room to find a lovely mess of those two yucky things all over her room and all over my poor little girl. All morning I debated on going. Have you ever been in those shoes? What’s more important? An opportunity to spend the weekend, strengthening your marriage, or being mommy nurse?

I honestly struggled. I didn’t want to leave my poor sick little girl with grandma, after all Tori NEEDED me. So I decided to take a poll on our fan page, Her View From Home.

So at what point does your marriage come first or your children? My husband and I are supposed to go to a marriage retreat for the weekend but my daughter (3) woke up with the flu. Should I stay and be a mom or go and let grandma take care of her?

Comments from Facebook:

    • Meghann Frey Go Heather go! You’ll be glad you did
    • Ann Chumbley Snider Go! You will have a wonderful time! Your mom will be just fine with the kids!
    • Kim Zeigler If your daughter is comfortable with Grandma, and Grandma is willing to take care of a sick child, then go.
    • Angela Sorensen Thomas My motto is…if you don’t take care of yourself and your marriage there will be no one to take care of the kids. Think about the instructions given to you on an airline flight. If the Oxygen masks come down put your own on first before attending to your child.
    • Darcie Reed If attending a Weekend to Remember, it a priceless investment to your marriage. We attended our first retreat last year. Incredible!!! I’m sure fever will be gone, as soon as Grandma arrives 😉
    • Her View From Home WOW! Thanks for the support, it always helps to ask a few other moms. The wife in me says “Go”, the Mommy in me, says, “You’re baby needs you.” Looks like I will be going! ~Heather
    • Pauline Machard Heather, I agree with all the above, and with grandma willing to take care of her, she’ll be fine. Go and have a great time.
    • Shaelyn Nartker- Cudaback I’d say if the grandparents dont mind taking care of her let them! U guys need some times to yourselves too and Im sure Tori will be fine! 🙂 Have fun this weekend!!

First Comes Love, Then Comes Marriage, Then Comes Baby….

How often do you and I get our roles reversed? Does your husband come first or does he get your left overs? I’m sorry to say, my dear hubby had been getting left overs for quite a while. It’s not hard to forget your priorities when you’re dealing with a preschoolers, babies, the PTA, and my own personal calling of writing. Before I knew it, my focus wasn’t on what brought me this happiness; it was on making the listed above my priorities.

Crash Course Refresher

Time to review. While being at the retreat, we got to have 1.5 hours of testosterone free fellowship while listening to Heather Conway remind us of our priorities. If you want a great marriage, unspoiled-self-centered kids, then put your husband above them. Here’s the list:

1. God

2. Husband

3. Kids

4. Passions

Did you notice what comes first? Yep, I had completely forgotten about my time with God in the last few weeks; did you notice the second one? Me too, makes sense, without my husband, I wouldn’t have my kids–it takes two to tango you know!

How does a woman become the wife and mother God designed her to be? She orders her priorities in this order and then everything else in her life (outside activities, career, volunteer work) centers around the first main priorities.

Thankfully for me, Grandma was willing to see the wisdom in taking my sick kiddo along with my other two busy kids. There’s nothing like guilt and an upside down list to make any woman wonder what happened to her life. This weekend opened my children’s eyes to the fact that I love their father and our marriage comes first. It’s an example I hope to set for them when they one day grow up, get married, and have kids. Kids who see their parents putting each other first will have a healthier view of marriage and know how to prioritize.

With that, I’ll leave you with a verse that helps put all of this into perspective:

Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: “Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.” Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. – Proverbs 31:28-30.

 

 

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