That’s right ladies, I said it, well more like typed it, I had a red hot love affair. Hold your horses, it’s with my husband even though we have three wild kids. Remember the nights before children? You planned everything, right down to what you would wear to bed. The evening was full of candles, yummy delectables, and lots of cuddling.

Flash forward twelve years later, by now the idea of getting dressed up for your hubby is a thing of the past, comfy sweatpants or flannel P.J’s mark your evening wear and if your husband even gives you ‘the wink’ that he’s in the mood, he gets an eye roll from you.

What happened to that passion? What about all the hype on TV with steamy scenes and romances? That is all it is, HYPE! There is no such thing as Fabio, much less a perfect spontaneous evening of passion behind closed doors. And it’s not our man’s fault that we aren’t in the mood, well partly!

After being married for 12 years, I’ve learned a thing or two to keep the fires burning. Just last week, our romantic evening was nearly ruined as my husband stood atop a chair in the hallway at one a.m. trying to muffle the sounds of the fire alarm with his towel.

So What Should She Do?

My husband and I have learned it is about communication and turning that crock pot on early. Crock pot, you say, what’s that got to do with marriage? Everything! We ladies are crock pots while our friendly counterparts are more like bottle rockets. If you both want to have a great evening and reconnect in the bedroom, it starts early in the morning.

So what’s a woman to do? Tell your man about the things that give you butterflies. Is it a hand written note, a text message, a phone call just to say Hi? Maybe you’re a bit more high maintenance (there’s no shame in that), so you prefer flowers, and a nice dinner out?

Her Red Hot Night

Let me give you the details of our smoke filled evening and maybe you can kindle the fires in your home. My husband commented the night before our romantic night that he was in the mood. I rolled over and told him maybe tomorrow and to turn on the crock-pot. (Crock-pot is code for, I love you, would love to do that with you but right now I’m tired and am not emotionally connected to you.) The next morning, I wake up to freshly ground coffee and a sweet kiss before he heads off to work. The day is filled with text messages about both of us looking forward to some alone time. That evening, Chris cooks an amazing dinner filled with shrimp cocktail and putting the kids to bed early.

After the noise and restlessness of the kids settled to a dull roar, he draws me a bath, complete with candles. In the meantime, Chris phases our bedroom into romance mode, candles, soft lighting, and a new outfit he bought just for me. As we make way to our bedroom, the fire alarms aren’t just going off in my head, they’re going off all over the house. Two hours later, we get to go to bed, after rewiring and installing new batteries into our fire alarms.

Tell Him What She Likes

Like I said, the hype you see on TV is just lots of hot air. If you want a great evening with the hubby, plan it. Tell him ahead of time what turns your crank. For me, it’s candles, not having to make supper, and a hot bath. The new outfit was a plus and the fire alarms were just part of our adventure. For you, it might be an evening out of the house. Either way, tell your man about it!

Maybe you can try out your own idea of a red hot love affair with your husband. Why not leave this post lying around for him to perchance read? Otherwise, tell him if he expects fireworks, turn on the crock-pot at least eight hours before!