No parent ever wants to hear their child is being disruptive or has a learning problem. So when my son’s preschool teacher handed me the number to our local Early Childhood Education services, I was ticked, angry,and embarrassed.
After all, I worked my tail off to teach him respect and manners! She proceeded to tell me Elijah’s behaviors had gotten progressively worse and it was time to call them so he can be evaluated.
On the ride home, I asked my son why he was disobedient and wild in class; to which he replied, “I get so bored in circle time and I was mad because the scissors were too tricky.”
He Knew He Had Blown His Chance, So Why Bother?
So when his teacher began describing his mishaps in class, it came as no surprise me. We were already dealing with learning to sit still,follow directions, and not seeking negative attention at home. That afternoon seemed to be the worst in my career as Elijah’s mom. He was sassy and defiant. He knew he has lost his sticker for his behaviors at preschool which meant, he had fallen short of his goal to earn a truck at Hobby Lobby.
He also lost his chance to attend a friend’s birthday party he had been so looking forward to spending the afternoon with all of his church and preschool friends. I was at a loss and felt so guilty. I questioned, whether or not to allow him to go. In the end, I took him to his friend’s house after the party to drop off the gift. Again, I felt guilty that he lost out on the fun, wondering if he really couldn’t help his behaviors.
I Just Want My Child to Be Normal.
It’s one thing to have one child with a disorder or disability. It’s another to have two and feel like others have labeled your child as defective. Looking back throughout Elijah’s toddler years, I always seemed to be apologizing for his behaviors. And this wasn’t the first preschool teacher to direct my attention to these issues.
I just want my children to be normal and felt guilty yet again, thinking that maybe my kids had somehow acquired defective D.N.A. First, my oldest being diagnosed with Inattentive A.D.D., then Aspergers, and now my son possibly has A.D.H.D (according to the evaluations of early head start).
So Now What?
No parent ever wants to be told their child isn’t normal, nor does any parent want to be told their child is not behaving properly. So now what? Because I want my son to succeed, we will continue with the evaluation process, of course I will be brutality scrutinizing every finding because I know what he is capable of. Iwant him to be as normal as possible but if he needs help, so be it, just don’t label him and make him stick out like a sore thumb for other moms to raisetheir eyebrows and ostracize from play dates. Help him but don’t hinder who hewas created to be. Give me answers but don’t peg him as not normal or imperfect.
Give Them Back to God. Now is when I holdmy ideas, dreams and perceptions loosely of my child, maybe even letting themgo altogether; at least until I have real solid answers. Now is the time to begin turning into myselfand listening to God. He created my children exactly the way they are. He has aplan and a purpose for them. He knows what He is doing. The question now is whether I stomp my feet and cry in frustration; or do I embrace it and find the best way to teach my kids how to be who they are created to be?
Hand your child back over to God, and embrace Psalm 139, let it sink into the depths of your heart:
13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
17 How precious to me are your thoughts, God!
How vast is the sum of them!
18 Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand—
when I awake, I am still with you.
Psalms 139:13-18, NIV.