Keeping The Marriage Bed Red Hot In Motherhood

So allow me to really transparent, but before I go ANY further, I’d like to say to my parents and in-laws…”DON’T READ ANY FURTHER, trust me!”

As moms, we are so worn out and frazzled between nursing the baby, being the bottle washer, lunch maker, laundry folder, deadline interceptor, co-worker team mate, and women’s ministry leader; the idea of a big cozy bed to fall asleep in is just what we’re dreaming of. By the time our sweet hubby’s arrive home from working giving us the wink wink (Hey baby, I think you’re sexy), we merely roll our eyes and direct them to the man cave.  Yet, some of us are longing for that passion and romance.  We know something is missing in our marriage and unless we fight for it, we won’t get the marriage of our dreams. With that said, I’ve gotten quite a few emails about how Chris and I seem to have it all together. We still act like honeymooners even though we have kids.
Real romance is commitment to love one another in the midst of toys, stretchmarks, and kids.
 In today’s world, our minds ingrained with what we think is romance. What is portrayed on movies, sitcoms, and in romance novels has NOTHING to do with real romance. Romance isn’t free of bills, kids, and have happy endings. Romance isn’t what you read about in 50 Shades of Gray or any other mommy porn-like novel–trust me that isn’t passion.
 
Romance is your husband coming home everyday. Romance is your spouse looking at you as if you were still the young single college chick he met during the first day of college. Romance is bringing you nacho’s at 10:00 o’clock at night. Romance is snuggling on the coach watching football. Romance is pay the bills together–knowing you’re both in it for better or worse. This is the stuff of romance–all of it is tied to one key word–commitment. Commitment to stay in the thick of it creates passion.  
 
But because we aren’t like our sexy male counterparts, we as women need a few ways to keep the romance bed red hot and the key is planning. It may not sound romantic but once you plan a few date nights, it begins to get red hot. 
 
So here’s a few tips from a mother of three (high strung, high energy, hot tempered kids) and how I keep the romance alive on my marriage.
 

Turn That Crock Pot On–Early

My husband and I attended a marriage conference several years ago and I loved how they described the differences between men and women. Men are like bottlerockets and can go from 0-to-I-want-you-in a matter of 60 seconds. Women were described as crock pots. 

Try not to be insulted but it’s the truth. It takes hours for us to simmer up to a romantic night in the bedroom. Crock pots have all the ingredients inside, a dash of this, a bit of spice from that. All we do is put the lid on, crank it on high and we know by the end of the day, we have a wonderful meal in store.

Marriage and sex is pretty much the same. As we simmer, we think of how wonderful our mate is. And when it comes to rolling in the sheets, we need to turn the crock pot on the night before. I usually schedule sex nights and when I see it on my calendar, I start planning our time together. I give him hints with text messages, a sexy hug, or giving him the “I want you” look. 

 If you know that tonight is going to be the night, think of all the romantic things your husband has done over the years, text him and tell him you cant wait to see him that night. 

    
 

C-O-M-M-U-N-I-C-A-T-E

That’s right girls, we have to talk about it. Some of us don’t have the drive, desire or willingness to turn from Mother Teresa to Hot Mama in the bedroom and that’s okay. TALK to your husband about it. You may be drained from rearing your little ones all day. But it shouldn’t stop you from being with your husband. 

Talk to him about what makes your heart flutter and remind him to act on it to help that crock pot simmer. When I was visiting my friend Angela, her husband had left her post-it notes for her to find and read. My husband sends me text messages that reminding me of how much he loves me. Maybe, you like holding hands, having him make supper, bring flowers. What ever it is, tell your husband! For women, its the little things that get us simmering and in the mood.

 

 
 

Honey Mooning at Home

 Many of us are living on one income. That means every penny counts, but doesn’t have to stop date night. We use several options and try to get alone every week, that’s right, every week. Here’s my list:

  • Make Annie’s Mac N Cheese for your little ones and put them to bed early.
  • Create a meal for the two of you, complete with candle light.
  • Ask your in-laws to watch your kids and go back home for date night.
  • Log on to Ruby Tuesday’s for their Buy One Get One Free meal deals.
  • Child Swap with another couple. You watch their kids one night and then they watch yours.

     Once a month, my husband cooks an amazing gourmet dinner, puts the kids to bed early, draws me a bath and creates an romantic oasis in our bedroom (sounds exotic, he makes sure its clean and free of kid debris, and puts a scarf over the lamp to create softer lighting). 

He gets annoyed that I have to document every date night with a picture. Can you tell? 🙂
 
 As women, we have a million things running through our minds at once, but when my husband gives me the look, I want to be prepared. Daily and especially on date night, I pray. I ask God to give me the desire to want my husband, especially when my mind is full of to-do’s and mommy matters. 
 
And if you’re in need of date night ideas, here are 102 Date Night Ideas for any budget or any stage of motherhood! http://bit.ly/1g8OTKT
 
     Tell me, how do you keep the marriage bed hot? I’d love to hear your thoughts and even more questions of how to get creative, especially when you have kids! 
 
 
 

3 Comments

  1. Anonymous

    Wow, great post, its so hard with kids to keep the romance alive. So I try to tell my husband through my words and actions how much I respect and love him. Sometimes a big chocolate cake and putting the kids to be early helps. Brendi

  2. Aliisa

    Love it, Heather! I so want to have date night once a week. But really how is that ever realistic with young kids?! Unless you have a lot to shell out for money for a baby sitter. And I don't want to take advantage of family. More realistic is putting kids to bed early but that would not happen in our house, either. Ugghh!

  3. I caution the once a week, its important to try and get alone at least once a week, whether you lock your bedroom door and ignore the fingers wedging under it! With wee ones, yes it can be hard and is a challenge, do what works for you and your husband!

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