Heather Riggleman

Living Bold Truths through Raw Faith.

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Nothing to Prove

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Heather Riggleman Nothing to Prove

Something is different this year. A shift in my soul resonates to the deepest parts of my identity. As the soles of my feet pound into the treadmill my mind tries to figure what exactly it is. Tracking my pace and time I mentally take note to add it to my training plan later—and then it hits me.

I have nothing to prove.

I don’t have to prove anything. Not. One. Thing.

I don’t have to push through my workout to beat anyone else’s pace, nor am I worried about how my face looks sweaty and bare. It mirrors every part of my life. Work, writing, motherhood, marriage, even the numbers on the scale.

I am…and it is perfectly enough.

Smiling, I continue to run despite the weariness and strain as I prepare to push my body beyond limits in a marathon which makes me smile again. This training, preparing, is just like life–on this side of eternity and beyond.

A marathon you say? 🙂 If you know me, I never do the same thing twice. I get tattoos on a whim and will spring for a road trip at a moment’s notice. You also know I’m always trying new things, big things. Always proving until I started marathon training.  

I’m always trying, doing—and this year I’m…being. And it’s the most amazing experience.

I wake up each morning confident in my own skin and anticipate the treasures of my focus on His presence. I’ve been wrapped in his presence for years but somehow learning to “be” has awakened a newness to Him. Like diving into the flooded Platte river after spring rains, it feels alive, effervescent; this side and depth of God–I’ve never encountered. 

That Little Girl Wasn’t Enough

I’ve wrestled with not being “enough” since I kindergarten when my teacher favored some of my better dressed classmates. Me, in frumpy, itchy calico dresses my grandma made from old curtains, blond hair in pig tails and yellowed teeth always asking for a hug—begging for acceptance and approval. I just didn’t know what it was called yet.

The last two years made me feel like a that clumsy little girl again. It has been a tumultuous journey through limitless ambition in trials and failures in search of perfection, acceptance—stumbling and falling on the wrong roads, paths where I got lost, where I found dreams that weren’t mine.

Restless for something significant—I found HIS love in the strangest of places. I found what when I needed most when life stopped working for me.

In the middle of the night, tired and eyes bloodshot from tears shed through anguish and weariness from the deepest places in my soul; 2:30 A.M. back against office wall, sitting on the floor journal open, dreams written, HIS presence questioned. Life imperfect, me wrestling with His will.

Withered in surrender it felt as though His hands dug me up from the sandy soil of my world, pulling apart my balled up roots and planted me in organic soil, rich in his love. There splayed on the edges of a journal entry were promises, scratches of what I’ve been called to do, all surrounding tear stained “Where are you in this God,” letters.

Unearthing a mess of my balled up roots, he answered loud and clear to have courage to just be me inside of Him. He Spoke, I listened: 

WAIT. Be still and know that I am God.

But God, you said I would do great things…

I formed you shrouded in darkness, I called you before I set time in motion.

But God, what about the words on my heart,

“I called you according to my purpose, wait—be still and know it will happen on my time,”

But God, what will they think…

You have my acceptance and love. Don’t you know I sing over you. Prepare and lean hard into me.

Being

As my shoes pound out the rhythmic beat of “being” in my heart, my soul feels free.

Gone are the chains of doing, acting, and looking the part. Gone is the need to fit in. I’m planted firmly in the middle of his rich love where competition of self and against others isn’t needed thrive. All that’s needed is being, becoming, and my focus on him.

Hopefully by mile 18 when I feel like I can’t go on, I can come back to this moment, this feeling, and remember why I’m running and why I am trying this new thing of being.

Raising Kids and Balancing Dreams

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Y’all I’ve been on a hiatus. My office, manuscripts, article ideas are collecting dust since June because things around here got a little crazy. In essence I hit the reset button essentially in every area of my life. 

Work – axed it

Speaking – limiting dates

God- seeking him relentlessly

Full time mom – embracing it

Writing – surrendered it

Reading – devouring books and getting sun burnt in the process. 🙂

LoriMy friend Lori Wildenberg knows exactly what I’m talking about. Writing and motherhood go hand in hand for the both of us but sometimes during certain seasons, one becomes a priority over the other. I got a sneak peek at her books right when we need things around here needed to change in order for ME to be more present with the kids. 

Lori has 4 newly published projects,two were just released the end of July and the two more are being released the beginning of September! Her four books are based on the 15 qualities of love in 1st Corinthians 13 which I love. How often do you find a parenting book that not only deals with the behavior but also gives you grace and practical insight to go after your child’s heart? 

coming soon


While working on this series, Lori and her ministry partner also co-founded 1 Corinthians 13 Parenting. Their team is made up of moms and dads who are experts in their field (faith, family, parenting, education, adoption, single parenting, special needs, marriage, and more) Check it out. They also have a parenting blog you can subscribe to and a Facebook ministry page for parents. 

Lori tagged me in this blog tour and asked me a few questions about my writing / mom life. So here we go.

What are you working on now?

I just finished a book for teen moms and a companion guide for mentors, I’ve been praying my agent will find the right home for it and have been working on my Teen Mom site: Detour2Motherhood.com (Under Construction). And I just got the first round of edits back on a manuscript that is near and dear to my heart–it will equip and empower moms to fight their child’s faith, I can’t wait to dish.

 

How does your work differ from others in it’s genre?

I think my first book Mama Needs a Time Out says it all. Besides being a devotion for moms, it teaches 42 attributes and names of God that apply to a mom’s wild and chaotic day. I also draw on other life experiences such as being a mom to kids with special needs, being a teen mom, and seeing my home, neighborhood and blog as my mission field to point each woman back to God. Sometimes my posts are raw, but full of authenticity where other woman say, “Me too.” And it truly enriches my life when I know my words are reaching a woman’s heart. 

Why do you write what you do?

I write because it’s like breathing. It’s the very gift God has given me where I pour myself out for him. I still remember what it’s like to be searching for my purpose, to wonder if I’m lovable or good enough. It’s those very questions I draw on to point each woman to God.

How does your writing process work? 

Ha. LOL. I’m sorry I have to laugh. My writing process consists of an idea that consumes my heart and then it’s all I think about, I doodle about it, write out thoughts and scribble out bits and pieces during my domestic daily duties and kids. Once my kids are occupied or in bed, I go over what I’ve written and fine tune it.

When More Is Not Enough

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Now I want to introduce you to a good friend whose writing, faith, parenting, and words are inspiring. Amy L. Sullivan is getting ready to release a new book in a couple of weeks that I SO want you to read. Her book When More Is Not Enough will release in just two weeks. 

If you’re looking for a tangible way to help your kids less self-centered and more servant minded–this book is for you. I love Amy’s ideas and wisdom–I know you will too. 

download

 

Stepping Out

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(Go ahead, click on the picture to go to a youtube video for your morning entertainment!)

Have you seen this movie? The movie Tangled where the plot is about a girl who takes a leap of faith and steps out of her tower for the first time. I’m feeling slightly like Rapunzel right now, especially when she has mood swings about defying her mother by leaving the tower.

My mood swings are more about taking that leap of faith and realizing I just stepped out of the boat. Literally. I can’t take it back now. My book, my words, my life is OUT there. My thoughts are swinging from, “I DID IT” to “What have I done? What if no one buys it?”

Two good friends of mine reminded me this week, “You just stepped out of the boat, now it’s time to trust.” If you ask me, the writing part was easy. Trusting God and knowing that my life is in His hands is a little, uh, shall we say--difficult; especially since I like to control everything…(I’m a mom, moms have control issues).

The roller coaster ride of insecurity stems from a not so pleasant email I opened (what is with people and email these days?). Part of the business is announcing to my corner of the world that my book is getting released (May 8th at eChristian); one gal had the gall to reply back and state she didn’t like me and didn’t want emails from me. OUCH.

After licking my wounds and lamenting that maybe this was a bad idea; God stepped in. He picked up my chin and had me look directly at His heart. My job was to trust Him and write the book for Him…not for approval of moms like her.

When God gives us a dream, He expects us to work hard and journey alongside Him in the endeavor. He also wants us to perform for an audience of one–Him.

So my question is this: Have you stepped out of the boat yet? Are you trusting God to hold you up as you take those first wet steps on the water? Have you learned that in order to keep your balance is keeping your eyes on God? If not, we will begin to sink.

Meanwhile, the boat was far out to sea when the wind came up against them and they were battered by the waves. At about four o’clock in the morning, Jesus came toward them walking on the water. They were scared out of their wits. “A ghost!” they said, crying out in terror.

27But Jesus was quick to comfort them. “Courage, it’s me. Don’t be afraid.”

28Peter, suddenly bold, said, “Master, if it’s really you, call me to come to you on the water.”

29-30He said, “Come ahead.”

Jumping out of the boat, Peter walked on the water to Jesus. But when he looked down at the waves churning beneath his feet, he lost his nerve and started to sink. He cried, “Master, save me!”

31Jesus didn’t hesitate. He reached down and grabbed his hand. Then he said, “Faint-heart, what got into you?”

32-33The two of them climbed into the boat, and the wind died down. The disciples in the boat, having watched the whole thing, worshiped Jesus, saying, “This is it! You are God’s Son for sure!” Matthew 14:27-33.

The Lord is Here, There Lord is There…

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“He has Catatonic Schizophrenia! Mikey will be transported to Yankton tomorrow Heather. Is there anyway you can go and visit him?”, my mom sobbed into the phone and sighed. “Ya, we’ll make arrangements and be there this weekend mom.” I hung up the phone and prayed that God would be with my mother and my brother. The miles between all of us were too many.
The last six weeks had been rough my mother as she watched her first born son’s mental health deteriorate before her eyes. She was called by some people in Newcastle when they found Mikey out wandering around bare foot, talking to a picture of his younger brother and niece. Mom managed to get him into the truck and make the nearly two hour ride to the Rapid City Hospital, without Mikey jumping out like he had threatened. Mikey had been very paranoid over the last few months. To make matters worse he began having auditory and visual hallucinations and began carrying on conversations with dead family members.
Later that week, my husband and I loaded up the kids and drove the four hour drive to Yankton, South Dakota. The mental health hospital was tucked on the outside edge of town, hidden behind a grove of trees. The kids stared wide eyed at our escort as she fingered through her keys for the right one at each security point. Mikey was locked behind six different doors in the Aspen Ward. He was there with other patients who were lost in their own minds from one disease to another. I couldn’t help feeling so crushed and wanting to leave after I laid eyes on my older brother. He stood there in the hall in stained sweat pants and an over sized blue tee-shirt. His glasses were smudged and his hair was a mess. He seemed so lost, so helpless. Not only did he have this mental illenss but he had brain damage due to DTP shots as a toddler. He may be 29, but he has the mind of an eight year old. To my relief he recognized me and hugged me. His eyes lit up as we handed him a neon green stuffed frog. He was surprised that I remembered one of his favorite childhood toys. I showed him the inscription on the leg of the frog with the verse Philippians 4:13 “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.” Sadly he was unable to keep the frog due to state regulations and the nurse confiscated it as she led us to a private conference room. Before she could take it, Mikey tore off the inscripted tag and shoved it in his pocket. Our visit didn’t last long due to the kids being noisy and full of energy. Mikey began to get very agitated. He kept whispering to me about missing belongings, and that someone was after his money. He didn’t want my husband to hear for fear of Chris possibly going after his checkbook too. He also was scared that one of the nurses was trying to take “power of attorney” from him and yet he had no idea what that meant. As we ended our visit we asked Mikey if we could pray for him and all of us joined hands. It was hard to not run through the security doors and not look back at Mikey. I hated leaving him there all alone and helpless as I prayed silently for God to be with him and to be with me. It brought back far too many memories of lonliness and isolation that I felt so many years ago when I was in the hospital locked down due to my own battlefield in my mind. The words of 1 Corinthians 3:16-17 brought much comfort to the moment. “All of you surely know that you are God’s temple and that his Spirit lives in you. Together you are God’s holy temple.” God resides in each of us and is able to bring comfort to those who call on His mighty name. In fact, one of the most precious names of God is Yahweh Shammah, meaning The Lord is Here. The lord is here with me, the Lord is there with my brother. I felt his peace as I let the words of his scripture comfort me. Two hours into the drive, my phone rang with the caller I.D. showing Yankton. It was Mikey and he sounded much more at peace. “You sound so much better Mike, did eating lunch help you?”, I asked curious about the change in his tone of voice. “No, I got to read the bible.”, he responded. As our conversation ended, I knew that Mike was in God’s hands and that God was indeed with Mikey bringing peace and comfort to him and to me as well. Perhaps that’s one of the most precious gifts He has given us, to dwell within us, and that we are able to call Him Yahweh Shammah!

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