At some point you’ll lose yourself.
I know I did, deep in the trenches of motherhood, being a wife, being an employee and everything in between.
I even lost myself to an illness that blindsided me.
I lost myself in the name of marriage and family.
I lost myself to a state of mind.
I lost myself in all the distractions of what hustling looked like:
in being an Instagram ready mom
in being someone else’s employee
in being fit
in being a wife
What about you?
You know you aren’t the real you and you know the real you is calling from deep to deep.
Mama, we live in a world where it’s easy to distract ourselves. The possibilities are endless.
We live in a world of coyotes.
We live in a world of coyotes!
I only say this because I had a coyote for a dog. She was a mix of half coyote and half typical mutt. And I LOVED her. I wish I had pictures but I don’t. I was in fourth grade when my dad found her and brought her home.
But she taught me about life’s distractions. Honestly.
It was in her DNA. She would chew through roots, vines, and her own leash. She would chase whatever came her way. Squirrels, rabbits, birds, snakes, and even semi trucks. Her pursuit of these things, distracted her from the bigger picture. She didn’t understand she didn’t need to chase these other things. We already loved her and provided everything she needed.
She was rescued for a bigger and better purpose. She was brought into an environment where she could become who she was truly meant to be!
The great Saint Augustine once said that if our hearts every got discounted, then we simply got things out of order. He meant that through the distractions, things had simply gotten out of order and we only need to step back and “right our loves.”
Like Gypsy, she didn’t realize the good life she had, she was chasing things she thought would make her whole. She was putting things before the relationship we meant for her.
I too, was putting things before God. Before what he already meant for me.
I was putting labels on who I was already called to be. But it took years to find my way back. But when I did I discovered it was time to stop chasing the distractions and focus on what God put in front of me–life CHANGED. But, here’s the thing, I had to chose HIM on a daily basis. And, that friends is where it gets so hard! But it opened my eyes to where He was in the midst!
In the quiet, He reminded me:
See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the wilderness
and streams in the wasteland. —Isaiah 43:19
So I started small. Getting up at four a.m. And carving out time when I realized I could connect instead of distract.
Sometimes I only had ten minutes to make the small changes. But as I started to gather those minutes—life long unraveling to get to the real me began to surface.
Ten minutes to read, to write a few sentences, to go for a walk, to answer an email, to reach out to a friend. And in the midst of it, I came to life again. The embers turned into a spark and eventually a flame.
It’s NEVER too late to BEGIN, again!